#young – CoffeeShopVibes

Lost in the Jungle

Posted on August 13, 2024 by tjoroski

Sitting with it sucks. It’s confusing, it can hurt and it can be daunting. Sometimes it’s funny or lighthearted, maybe even a little ridiculous. Feelings sometimes run away from you and you seem to be overthinking while chasing them down forever. They’re stubborn and annoying, especially when everyone says you just have to “feel them.” Maybe I don’t want to feel my feelings today, does what mean I have to feel them tomorrow?

I’ve heard people say that feelings are like a guide, aggressively cutting away at the thick jungle brush as they seemingly know the way through, even though it all looks the same to you. This guide is supposedly going to show you to the open field where all the answers are waiting to reveal themselves to you. Yet, the more I walk, run or sit with my feelings, the farther away clarity seems to be.

That’s why my best friend and my greatest enemy are the same thing: time. With time (again as these mystery people say), all wounds heal. All things move forward and life goes on. It is with time that the field full of answers starts to bloom and you see what is meant for you to see. I find that this is the hardest part, waiting for time to do its damn job while I sit with my feelings. This is where the discomfort and discouragement creeps in. It is at this pivotal point where I have to remember that time is on my side, and that she only wants to help.

My other friend hope, visits me too. While I sit with my feelings, she tries to push me over this hill that I have decided to sit and stay atop of. As time goes on and the sitting happens and hope intervenes, it slowly gets better. I try to accept that I don’t always know what to do with my feelings either, like maybe that voice in my head barking orders like a broken record isn’t always right. Sometimes the best way to sit with your thoughts and feelings isn’t sitting at all. Perhaps the best way to follow that overgrown path through the jungle is to get up, put on your hiking boots and start cutting away at the thick brush too—trusting that no matter how overgrown the jungle might be, the clearing will always be there.

Real look at what the inside of my brain looks like.

lost, motivation, peace, youth

2022 Hate Mail💌

Posted on January 1, 2023December 31, 2022 by tjoroski

If you laughed this year, you also cried.

If you cried a lot, you probably laughed a little mostly at yourself.

Surrounded by hot and cold, up and down.

Yes or no? Maybe, could be, should I?

Moving forwards isn’t easy, especially when today reminds you of yesterday.

Or when tomorrow is too scary to think about today.

No matter what though, tomorrow is always there.

No matter what year it is, the good days exist.

So, 2022 I say to you, You are yesterday.

And to 2023, you are my good year.

Issa love/hate kinda thing.

lost, peace, youth

Lets Get Lost

Posted on July 6, 2022 by tjoroski

Have you ever stared out into the ocean, like wayyyy out onto the horizon and thought, “what the f*ck is out there?”…probably more ocean lol but it feels and looks so mysterious. Like if I was lost at sea for an hour, that would be ok ya know?

Getting lost can be amazing (or a nightmare), but these days between SCOTUS starring in Black Mirror and MGK + Megan Fox running the world, getting lost kinda sounds nice…bc it would hopefully be anywhere but here right?

Sometimes I get lost in thought, which can SUCK if it has anything to do with my work, school applications (yes I did apply omg post on that later), or my spending tendencie$. BUT sometimes its cool and I don’t even realize it until it’s over. Im writing this blog post on getting lost in thoughts or moments, bc with every headline or deadline, I find myself LONGING for literally any kind of positive distraction. Sh*t, sometimes Ill be doing the damn dishes for 20 minutes thinking about how Selena Gomez has been a low-key star just doing her thing not annoying anybody vs Britney who has all her concerning Instagram dance videos (don’t come for me). When I’m done with the dishes I think “oh that was nice! Time to stress out about literally everything! What else can I clean???????”

Just yesterday I was looking for seashells. Searching for colors, shapes, bit and pieces etc. It was so fun, I felt like a kid with no responsibility or demands. Literally just feeling like all I had to do was focus on finding shells. It was honestly therapeutic. I didn’t think about work, school, money, not even lunch lol. When I got out of the water, I felt a sense of gratitude and appreciation for the fact that I could even get so distracted.

Connecting to our ramblings and distractions and finding peace in them, is a gift tbh. So next time that you get lost in your thoughts or small actions, whether it be cleaning the shower and singing to Dua Lipa or walking in the forest somewhere listening to bird calls and insects, make sure to say thank you. Say thanks to you, for your ability to think about random sh*t.

peace, youth

“Mid Year Resolutions”

Posted on April 11, 2022April 10, 2022 by tjoroski

Happy almost-middle-of-the-f*cking-year everyone!

My gawd. What the hell happened. April is that weird month between cold and warm where no one really knows if they should wear a jacket or not? Like freezing when you walk out the house but 10 minutes in your sweaty and frustrated. Yay!

Anyways, this post comes after the ‘sunday scaries’ hit me. At work. Lmao I work Sundays so it just sucks. BUT, truly I got to thinking. I made a new commitment to myself. A mid year resolution if you will. I vow to stay away from actively checking the news. Like seeking out stories, listening to news podcasts or constantly refreshing Yahoo News for weird click-baity bullshit. Literally though, today was weird. On a Sunday morning, I read about Ukraine still blowing up, Portlands’ 473485348975th shooting this year already, someone’s car being stolen in my neighborhood (again), etc..the list goes on. ALL before noon like wtf.

Its one of those things that can really affect you. I feel like I exist in a constant state of low grade anxiousness and paranoia. Life, the world, people…all so unpredictable. No day is the same- in both good and bad ways. One day it’s amazing news like the Supreme Court Justice being a black woman or Portland having a 5 day sunny streak. The next day its a double homicide with a side of rain. I. CaNt. DeAl.

I have to constantly try to disassociate myself from the negative shit. ITS LITERALLY EVERYWHERE. Facebook, Insta, snapchat, TV, magazines, c a b l e, other people..even unsolicited when it pops up on my phone or computer when I don’t want it. It brings me down, seriously I get freaked out and wish I could wrap the people, places and animals I love in bubble wrap. I have to take a breath and focus in on the reality of where I am and what Im doing. Remaining present helps, but then I also spam text everyone I know and care about to make sure they’re fine so that I can continue my day.

Everyone leans on different things. I blog, I pray, I watch TV (have to be careful bc I like dramatic shows but that doesn’t always tie in well with avoiding negative shit), go to yoga, focus on work, FaceTime my people, walk my dog. All the things that make me happy. I, and by I, I mean WE as people cannot live in fear for we will stop living altogether if that happens. BUT we remain vigilant AND as present as we can. Be smart, be tough but don’t forget to enjoy. Enjoy the reasons we find life worth living like fr because that sh*t is important.

I speak a lot on inner peace. I believe that our inner peace allows us to be good people in this world of chaos. Well I can’t be a peaceful b*tch when the world seems to be falling apart??? SO if anyone reading this can relate in any way, I challenge you to join me in committing to no news for awhile. The news will always be there, both good and things will happen, and if the news is big enough then we’ll find out anyways BUT for now, focus on the good shit and exhale- or just don’t read- that bullshit.

peace, youth

That Inner Peace tho

Posted on March 11, 2022 by tjoroski

Chaos. What is it?

Its trouble, pain, stress, hardship, worry, fear, trauma, damage, confusion. It’s where I feel most lost. And it’s happening nearly all the time.

BUT. Theres that in-between space. Where there’s air to breathe. When my footsteps don’t feel as heavy. When I get my jacket caught on a door handle yet I don’t feel like punching a wall or getting red in the face. It’s those moments where I notice more little things, like people holding hands, or birds chirping. Today I didn’t order coffee to survive, I ordered coffee for FUN. I got a hot Americano with half & half and honey lavender syrup. I MEAN thank GAWD for the days we can splurge on some organic honey lavender syrup.

Lately, I’ve been feeling a weird mix of gratefulness and guilt. Grateful I can wake up safe, warm with a roof over my head but also guilty that our world is suffering all over the globe. So when I notice my inner peace and really feel the calm..I take note. I bask in it. I breathe it in. Inhale the good shit exhale the bullshit type deal. Our inner peace is of the UTMOST importance. It’s what keeps us alive. Without our good moments with ourselves and others, what do we have?

I challenge anyone reading this post to take note and think for a moment about a good thing that happened to you recently. Whether it be finding $5 on the floor or someone hot smiled at you. Maybe you cleaned your house and found an old relic or your dog finally did that new trick. Maybe you got that shift covered or you notice the sun shining into your room in just the most perfect way like an urban outfitters ad.

Notice your inner peace. Roll around in it, inhale, exhale. Because in a world that feels like constant chaos, our inner peace and the good energy we manifest through it, is unmatched.

Uncategorized

“One Foot in Front of the Other”

Posted on February 14, 2022 by tjoroski

..is literally my go-to line for when I’m stressed and someone asks how I’m doing lol.

“Hi Trin how are you??”….”Oh yeah you know! Just keep puttin’ one foot in front of the other.” Kind of a lame line now that I think about it. BUT it’s T R U E. Think about it. You have a f*cked up day? Well.. you literally have to walk to get to your bed..or your car…or your therapists office. SO no matter how bad it might seem, you technically are always moving forward. I find that the more steps you put between you and the shit bothering you….the easier it gets to overcome it. So technically, it’s not a cliche. It’s simply facts.

So that’s what I’m doing. I’m walking. Or stepping rather. Stepping to my new job orientation, to my car, to the gym, to this coffee shop I’m in & I’m drinking GREEN TEA in order to balance out the coffee I had at 8am. Does anyone else do that? Like IDK getting tea somehow feels more like “imhealthyandmylifeisputtogether” vibes. Kind of like when you get your nails done, get a haircut or get a fresh wax (sugar in my case). For some reason coffee feels more like a bandaid drink and tea feels like a lets-fix-the-actual-problem drink…I digress.

One foot in front of the other. PA school? Still on the fence. Still unsure what my path will be and I pretty much have to decide in the next few weeks what I’m gonna do. Complied with other responsibilities and emotions that come with being a human woman, it still feels like the weirdest crossroad of all time. ON THE BRIGHTSIDE: H.E.R and Saweetie came out with a new collab, the gas I got today was under $4 and my green tea HITS. Plus my online job training for a new urgent care (*yes another one*) was actually only like an hour long and not the predicted three.

Its a rainy Monday here in Portland OR USA and today’s blog post does in fact have a purpose. Besides reiterating the fact that my life and career path feels like putting together a broken plate with a glue stick, it is in fact to say that putting one foot in front of the other does work. Sometimes it’s literally all we can do, it’s our best. And as I’ve said many times (& like my yoga teachers say): sometimes your best is all you can do, and your best is always enough.