peace – Page 3 – CoffeeShopVibes

Rough Seas

Posted on March 20, 2023 by tjoroski

Happy Monday? Ew no. I am not a Monday or a morning queen. How about happy-we-are-still-blogging-and-got-out-of-bed-day. MUCH BETTER.

As I type I am working through an ocean of emotion (rhyme scale 2 out of 10 at best). Its been an odd few weeks? Months maybe? I just remember the Oscars flying by and perhaps St Patricks day was in there but IDK. What happens when everything occurs to you all at once? How do you navigate the boat? The storm is here. Murky, rough waters, harsh winds, and the deep dark unknowns. I will be the first to publicly announce my great fear of exactly that: THE uNkNoWn…

It’s always been a real stupid struggle for me to grapple with what I don’t know. What I can’t control and what I can’t foresee always gets me DOWN. I wish I had a crystal ball but I know if I did, I would most likely drive myself even more insane. Im in this space where I don’t know if I should go left or right, up, down or sideways. Im relying on signs from the higher power and from the universe because while I am trying my best and making decisions that I think are right, they generally come back to bite me in the ASS.

For example, I got rejected from all PA programs last application cycle and now I am at a crossroads where I am deciding if I should apply again. At the same time I will be taking courses to become EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) Certified but with the unfortunate way the cookie crumbles, this EMT experience wouldn’t even be applicable for this next round of school applications BLA BLA BLA. Don’t worry if that shit doesn’t make any sense for you lol just know it sucks.

I also am being tested in my relationships in my life and being challenged to do the right thing with my head and my heart which if you know me, my heart likes to run WILD in the love jungle and she doesn’t always know how to turn it down or bring it in… a matter for my complicated mind to settle in private BUT my point is, life really is like that meme. The one that asks how am I supposed to balance school, love life, wellness, more school, eating food other than $0.39 ramen, walk the dog, watch reality tv, talk to people, get gas and stay alive ALL AT THE SAME TIME???

Its like I’m swimming but with ankle weights so like my top half is moving but my legs are just flailing and sinking!! I am trying everything to stay positive and look at the good too. I got to see SZA in concert (I wept), I still have hot water at home and although my dog got skunked and lost a toenail last weekend, she is still cute LMAO. SO thinking back to my New Years post and thinking about everything happening, my only solution is to keep f*cking going. If we sink, we’re toast. So imma just keep it real and keep moving, imma f*ck around and find out what the future holds because this shit is not my last stop and you can bet that those ankle weights are only gonna make me stronger when they come off!!!!!!!

Cheers Friends ❤

Maryjanelosthertoenailaftergettingsprayedbyaskunk.jpg

youth

Whats yours is mine

Posted on February 8, 2023 by tjoroski

25 and 26 have been notably the most formative years yet. Nothing and everything is happening all at once. It’s constantly a hamster wheel of peaks and valleys but lately there has been many more valleys than peaks. I am bombarded with the disastrous excitement of my future, at the same time I am bombarded with shitty finances, car trouble out the ass, and lots of assholes who think the world bends to them.

This takes me back to my very first blog post and the idea that inspired it all. According to society, instead of making my rent payment and fixing my car engine, I should be blissfully traveling the world not thinking about how much my tax return will give me. If you’re in a position to travel and do whatever you want in your 20s then amazing! Go for it! But for the rest of us having a three day weekend is almost as exciting as not having to cook for dinner or make our lunch for the next day at work.

I crave those things. I want to travel and know more peace financially emotionally and spiritually. I want a house, I want my dog to have a bigger backyard, I want to have time to meal prep everything in little glass containers. Lately my theme has been this: I’m living in a constant state of reminding myself to accept where I’m at, and be utterly OK with it. Yes that means being OK with my car heater breaking, being OK with my 9 to 5 job, being ok with a Chicken McMuffin for dinner when the grocery funds fall short.

BUT what if I’m NOT cool with it? YES accepting is Key to peace. I preach that til the cows come home but ALSO where’s the instruction manual that tells you how to be ok NOT being ok?? Hello??? Its like I’m riding an unpredictable wave. Sometimes were up, sometimes were down. But always on shaky turf.

Im looking for a new job (YES again), Im considering reapplying to PA school (getting rejected 8 times was not ideal), and now Im gearing up to potentially apply to EMT school as well. WTF is happening honestly. Its like that f*cked up ideology about how we are supposed to balance a social life, romantic life, fitness, sleep, work/goals all at the same time. SO everything is happening at the same time nothing is happening: the job market is bad so I’m not getting many bites, its not time to apply anywhere for anything yet and Im just getting my ass up everyday praying for a miracle of some kind.

HOWEVER there is still a silver lining here.

I have this lovely lil blog
2023 just started
Coffee is real
Popcorn is also real
My dog has a new jacket

SO its not all bad. There a moments throughout my day that remind me to be grateful because although life might be overrated sometimes, we’re navigating this lil blue polluted planet together.

My friends and I went to a cheap comedy show recently, and let me say it was not that good LOL. Yet, at the same time it was awesome. Not only because I was with my good friends, but because I could look around the whole room and see this random group of strangers just smiling and laughing together at the ridiculousness playing out in front of them. They were laughing in a supportive way like “your jokes are bad but love you for entertaining us and trying.” In this disaster of a world, the togetherness gets me through it.

So….to finish I pose a challenge to my readers: Think about some togetherness that you’ve seen lately. Whether time with your family, getting CBD infused IPA with your friends, or sharing a smile with your mechanic because you both know you’re f*cked. Take a moment to sit in that “human-ness” and just know ✨were in this together✨ or whatever 🤪

“$200 for an oil change? You got me f*cked up😂”

lost, motivation, peace, youth

2022 Hate Mail💌

Posted on January 1, 2023December 31, 2022 by tjoroski

If you laughed this year, you also cried.

If you cried a lot, you probably laughed a little mostly at yourself.

Surrounded by hot and cold, up and down.

Yes or no? Maybe, could be, should I?

Moving forwards isn’t easy, especially when today reminds you of yesterday.

Or when tomorrow is too scary to think about today.

No matter what though, tomorrow is always there.

No matter what year it is, the good days exist.

So, 2022 I say to you, You are yesterday.

And to 2023, you are my good year.

Issa love/hate kinda thing.

lost, motivation, peace, planning, youth

Nose dive…? Jump? Idk I can’t smell shit.

Posted on October 24, 2022October 23, 2022 by tjoroski

Allergy szn b*tchesssss!! In a dramatic turn of events, I am channeling my PA program rejections (4 out, 4 to go) into proactive energy working at at karaoke bar making significantly less money!!! Yay!!!! Who knew. Life has been this: applied for schools, left my BULLSH*T medical assistant job, was denied unemployment benefits, anddddd became a hostess ayeeeeee…

It’s been land of the lost, limbo narnia, unsure nation 2.0… BUT I do have a new addiction called “DoorDashing.” LOL. Literally it is saving my ass and paying my credit card minimums 10/10 recommend (Instacart can suck a d*ck). SO YEAH, here we are a month shy of me losing my parents insurance benefits for good and here I am sniffling as the leaves change, checking IDs and trying not to eat my weight in free chicken nuggets. It’s definitely spooky season bc I’m scared lol.

It’s been a trying time of accepting the present moment and trying my best to find peace WITHIN IT AHHH *practice what you preach.* So, ya know I’ve had time to process things that have happened while being 25 years young. I’ve been able to walk my dog longer, catch up on tv, read a lil (like a tiny teeny bit), see my friends, manicure my man’s eyebrows, wash my hair more often etc. The silver lining here is time. Time doesn’t pay the bills but it is priceless. This period of my life is the much needed slow down I’ve been desperate for.

Moving forward I feel this: my right now moments lead into my tomorrow moments and everything can change at any moment. Things haven’t necessarily gone my way for a higher purpose, like annoying, but I get it. I mean I’ve been given the gift of time and sleep which is more than I’ve been able to have in awhile. I’m learning how to value myself in ways I didn’t recognize before. So friends, I raise my hard kombucha today for the good sake of tomorrow and what it will bring. I challenge you all to do the same!

She forgot her Gucci flip flops but time is on her side 😤

#yoga, motivation, peace, planning, youth

Sink or Swim? 🫠

Posted on September 27, 2022October 25, 2022 by tjoroski

Are you a meticulous planner? Do you think wayyyy ahead and then freak out over things that haven’t happened yet? Or are you always present and just go with the flow?? Well guess what folks! You are in the right place and this is the blog post for you!! ALL FOR (almost) FREE!! ….just the small fee of continuing to read my word vomit is required 🙂

SO yes yes yes I have once again been inspired by my own chaos–woohoo! Its funny how most creatives get inspiration from their own bullshit lol I digress. BUT on todays episode of “Coffeeshopvibes AKA i dont know shit i just write what i feel” my question to you is this: Is it wise to plan ahead and consider the “what-ifs” or maybes of life? We do it because we’re literally human and usually we have to otherwise what tf to we have to look forward to?? (or is that just me lol).

Lately a lot has been happening. Good and not so good but mostly its aight. Haven’t heard back from PA schools yet, quit my shitty job and got a better one (at a karaoke bar LMAO thats on brand for me), and consistently contemplating the quantum physical f*cksh*t that is life. ANYWAYS, if there is one thing that is on my mind more than ramen noodles, its the impending unknown of the ~fUtUrE~… I plan everything. Well most things. Im a sticky note queen, in college I had like 3 planners and I utilize the reminders app on my phone + my google calendar like my life depends on it (which technically for me it does lol).

In some cases, this is a good thing! I stay busy, I consider myself organized and it helps bring structure to my life. BUT I am also a work in progress trying to unlearn certain behaviors that aren’t as healthy. For example, throughout my adult life it has been very challenging for me to be present. Going with the flow and taking things as they come is scary bc I like too know the future so I can control the outcome which is TOXIC energy that requires work to change.

Through therapy and supportive relationships, I have learned it can be dangerous to harp on whats coming. We naturally create expectations for things that have not occurred yet or perhaps may never happen, good or bad. We try to guarantee things will go our way by constantly talking about them, planning them, thinking about them and then when the time comes, we hope it’s everything we mapped out in our heads. When it’s not, we can become sad, depressed or just frustrated as hell. The truth is, this is happening a lot, within most of us no matter who you are.

As per usual my go to sanctuary has been my yoga practice (and new found love for hip-hop dancing ayooo), and today the intention set for class by the instructor was quite literally, exactly what I needed to hear and understand: “When we achieve and accept the present moment, we can find peace. The present moment might not be peaceful, but with acceptance we can find peace within it.”

This SHOOK me to my core in the best way, here I was mountain posing my way out of tiredness and anxiety when she dropped this wisdom bomb. The idea behind this message is the reality that all of us face. She was basically stating this: although we have so much BS around us and on us at all times, and although we are constantly thinking about our tomorrow or our lunch hour or whatever— if we take a moment to breathe in what we are experiencing at the present, we can accept and be ok where we are.

There is something to be said about present-ness and focus. In yoga, shavasana pose (the one where you just lay flat on the ground), is arguably one of the hardest poses there is. That is because you are challenged to be still and present. Challenged to drown out intrusive thinking by focusing on ones breathing. Its f*cking hard okay?? BUT it tests you, just like life does 24/7 365 billion days a year. AND its all practice, practice makes perfect.

SO my challenge to you AND to myself, is to practice being present. Practice going with the flow, focus on your own 2 feet and how you’re about to walk to the kitchen for a snack, then focus on the deliciousness of that snack and be in that moment, because that moment IS guaranteed. Plus, who doesn’t love a snack that is guaranteed to be delicious??

peace, youth

That Inner Peace tho

Posted on March 11, 2022 by tjoroski

Chaos. What is it?

Its trouble, pain, stress, hardship, worry, fear, trauma, damage, confusion. It’s where I feel most lost. And it’s happening nearly all the time.

BUT. Theres that in-between space. Where there’s air to breathe. When my footsteps don’t feel as heavy. When I get my jacket caught on a door handle yet I don’t feel like punching a wall or getting red in the face. It’s those moments where I notice more little things, like people holding hands, or birds chirping. Today I didn’t order coffee to survive, I ordered coffee for FUN. I got a hot Americano with half & half and honey lavender syrup. I MEAN thank GAWD for the days we can splurge on some organic honey lavender syrup.

Lately, I’ve been feeling a weird mix of gratefulness and guilt. Grateful I can wake up safe, warm with a roof over my head but also guilty that our world is suffering all over the globe. So when I notice my inner peace and really feel the calm..I take note. I bask in it. I breathe it in. Inhale the good shit exhale the bullshit type deal. Our inner peace is of the UTMOST importance. It’s what keeps us alive. Without our good moments with ourselves and others, what do we have?

I challenge anyone reading this post to take note and think for a moment about a good thing that happened to you recently. Whether it be finding $5 on the floor or someone hot smiled at you. Maybe you cleaned your house and found an old relic or your dog finally did that new trick. Maybe you got that shift covered or you notice the sun shining into your room in just the most perfect way like an urban outfitters ad.

Notice your inner peace. Roll around in it, inhale, exhale. Because in a world that feels like constant chaos, our inner peace and the good energy we manifest through it, is unmatched.