Tag: peace

Posted in peace

Coffee Explained.

Posted on by tjoroski

The first sip. When it’s too hot so you take a scared sip, or when it’s too cold and you’re sad it’s not hot enough. Unless you’re an iced coffee person—you hope the ice doesn’t water it down too much. This first sip is like adding oil to gears. 

Perhaps it’s merely a beverage or perhaps it’s a curated culture, maybe an aesthetic lifestyle. It can be the certified “beginning” of many things, whether it be our day or perhaps a friendship. We can craft it at home or we can enjoy it out. There’s so many different tangible choices for coffee and it takes on a multitude of different sizes and shapes all over the world. Venti, large, trenta, demitasse (French for espresso), grande, small, tall, short etc.. not to mention the plethora of styles, tastes and names it takes on to curate different feelings and emotions for whomever consumes it. 

But in the end it’s all the same. I asked my patient today if he is a coffee person. He explained to me that for him coffee is like a warm hug from an old friend and more so a comfort or a companion. This is opposed to a necessity or requirement for the day ahead, which is what most of us think of when we picture an 8 oz dark roast at 7am.

When my patient painted me this picture, I suddenly felt myself smile automatically in agreement, like my body immediately understood what he meant. It’s because I, too, see coffee as a friend. We make it, sip it, take pictures of it, hold it, love it and hang out with it everyday. Quite similar to that of a good friend (minus the sipping part). 

When I take a sip of hot coffee, it’s not really a big “Oh thank God I finally have my coffee to wake me up and make me functional today” type of feeling. It’s more of a “I’m so glad I have hot coffee to lean on this morning as I wake up.” Taking moments to sip my coffee is also seemingly an excusable break from things. When I take a few seconds to sip my regular drip coffee with cream and simple syrup, everyone understands, like an unspoken language between people. It seems to announce this simple truth: that I require a millisecond to myself for a breath and a sip of my comfort coffee to make the next few seconds (and the rest of my day) better than the last. Everyone catches on and no one complains. 

This dance is a part of our coffee culture. It’s a common ground where the world can be on the same page. We all get something special from it and it doesn’t take anything from us (except our money), so we love it. In my opinion, it’s the most understood concept of modern society. More understood than politics, economics, or the environment and even love. The idea of sipping coffee at a cafe or on the couch has the same meaning for everyone. Comfort and peace. Even if only for a moment.

The next time you order that complex coffee drink or use your French press at home for the 107th time, stop and give it an extra thought– is this a quick caffeine fix?  A warm comfort disguised as one? Perhaps the fantastic bold, rich blend of both.

“Hello, I’d like a 12oz drip with room for half n half and happiness. Thanks.”

Posted in Uncategorized, youth

Not Boring.

Posted on by tjoroski

My coffee is lukewarm and my hands are cramping. I feel a sense of excitement but also fatigue as I think about this. My writing. 

My journey has been interesting as I have found myself to be consistently inconsistent in my work, my relationships and my endeavors. Maybe that makes me rich, but perhaps it makes me poor. I began in the traditional sense being told that after highschool, college is my only option to secure everything I want in life. I don’t blame my parents, they were only trying to do their best just like the rest of us.

I moved to Portland at 18 by myself and chose biology as my field to study. I only chose this because of Mr Boyd, my high school physiology 101 teacher. I remember that he made it fun, that he showed us how biology on a cellular level and what made humans work could actually be so fascinating. His class was my favorite.

So with my science major I accepted the terms and conditions of collegiate pain and suffering that came with a STEM field of study. In some ways it was badass, honorable and daring. In other ways it was idiotic, rageful and painstakingly challenging. Nonetheless, it was mine and after 4.5 years I graduated with an Honors College biology degree and a minor in community health (whatever that means). 

The only reasonable thing to do with this degree was move into the healthcare space, so again I did what I was told and began working in the medical field as a means to pursue Physician Assistant school. I worked, took the bus everywhere, worked some more, lived paycheck to paycheck and throughout Covid and life’s many ups and downs I stayed in hot pursuit of this goal. Prerequisites were required for applications so time and money was spent to complete these at home during lockdown. Experience (beyond what was reasonable) for these programs was also a must-have so I pushed myself beyond limitations within me that I didn’t even know existed. 

Since I graduated with my degree in 2019, I have worked in 8 different clinics not including a stint at a karaoke bar, which would bring this list to a total of 9 different jobs. What does this tell me? Many things. 

The first thing it tells me is that I get bored. Bored of the same duties, bored of disrespect, bored of mismanagement, bored of bullshit. It also tells me that I do not settle. I refuse to work in a space that doesn’t want me to evolve and be better. I also know that no matter where you work, there is always an element of organizational hierarchy whether it be appropriate or inappropriate. The lessons I have learned from all these dynamic spaces could fill a swimming pool. 

The most important takeaway though, is that I am learning exactly what I do not want anymore. The relationship I have with myself is growing everyday as I disengage from what I thought was “for me” but is now peeling away like a snake shedding its skin. This is a powerful and necessary change. Almost as if this series of events was so perfectly planned to lead me into my current mindset. I went to college for a specific reason, which was to get a degree so that I could land a secure job. That simply didn’t happen. Instead, I went to college, got my degree, learned invaluable social skills with which I entered the workforce to find that I hate the workforce. Now, based on my own personal lived experiences, I have a tangible understanding for what I do not want. I do not want to be enslaved to other people’s agendas and live at the mercy of someone else’s bottom dollar. 

My ultimate goal is to live in my creative freedom. I mean, look at how much I’ve got to write about. This is merely scratching the surface as they say. This is not even the tip of the iceberg, this is a small snowflake at the tip of the iceberg. All this is to say that I am not defined by what I have done nor by my accomplishments. In a podcast I recently tuned into, the host discussed that it’s not about who has the most money who wins, but rather who has the most experiences. That is where I intend to go, what I intend to do and who I intend to be– experience rich. 

Using what I know to launch forward is part one. My past is simply that. 

I didn’t get into PA school. In fact, I didn’t even get waitlisted. I failed out before I even started and it was the best thing that could have happened. I want to write, read, learn, and evolve. Still, my yearning is to help and be of service to others as I believe that is my God given gift. Reimagining the ways in which I can pursue this is my new driving force. It has always been within me to write. Ever since I can remember I have wanted to take a writing class and explore this. It is why I started my blog, a means of creative freedom to lean into who I am as a writer and create relatable content for my peers. 

So, as I sit at my desk here at the hospital and dream up my soon-to-be new reality, I am overcome with curiosity. Why did it take so long for the wool to be removed from my eyes? Why so many steps, highs, lows, mistakes, and doubts? Nothing valuable comes easily. Nothing worth waiting for arrives quickly. No one interesting ever has a streamlined, boring life. That’s just not what they write about.

Posted in peace, storytelling, youth

Everything Bagel

Posted on by tjoroski

 I want to be like an everything bagel. 

I want to be a little bit of everything and I want to do a little bit of everything kind of like an everything bagel. 

Everything bagels are just right. They’re salty, doughy, have just the right amount of herb and are absolutely perfect toasted with some cream cheese.

I often get to a point towards the end of my day, where I wish I had more energy and more time to just do that little bit extra that I promised myself. Whether it’s go to my dance class, yoga, write a blog post, get that drink with a friend, or make myself actual dinner?? For some It might be that extra few minutes playing with their kid or taking the dog for a longer walk than just around the corner to “go potty baby!”

It’s the guilt for me. I feel like on some days I’m super woman and can wake up at 5 AM to go to the gym and work all day before cooking an incredible meal and prepping everything for the next day. but then that’s it lol. The Rest of the week I drag my ass out of bed to go to work so I can afford that mediocre gym membership and then by the time I get home I just want to sit on my ass!

So how does one become an everything bagel? In other words, how do I do everything I intend to do? This can be tricky because on one hand, you don’t want to break commitments or promises that you make to yourself. Would you break a promise to a good friend? No. Having goals and committing to them are an essential part of self-care. Letting yourself down is just as bad if not worse than letting down someone you care about. But on the other hand, listening to your body is of the utmost importance. Communicating with yourself in regards to what you need in those moments is also an essential part of self-care. 

For example, today I told myself I would go to my cardio dance class which I love (and pay for). I signed up and had a spot reserved, but work was insanely busy today as we were short staffed and I was on my feet nonstop. Towards the end of my shift, I felt torn between making myself go to a work out that I wanted to experience versus going home to rest for a second day in a row. I decided to go home and I was in fact, bummed out. But the moment I got home, I collapsed on the couch with my dog and was so glad I made that choice because now my body can get the rest it needs to have a good workday tomorrow (being tired at work is the worst thing ever and it makes me so mad). 

It’s also important to remember that everything doesn’t have to occur all at once. Things can be rearranged, schedules can be shifted, and nothing has to be according to a perfect timeline. This timeline is something we often create in our heads, and we tell ourselves that unless we do things that very same day, we aren’t worthy of rest. 

As a very type A, organized, Little Miss ‘Plans out everything’ kinda gal, it can be hard for me to change plans because mentally I like to stick to my original plan. But if there’s any important lesson I learned in all of this, there’s nothing more important than prioritizing your rest and recovery and listening to your body. We won’t be able to accomplish anything if we sacrifice how we’re feeling physically when we know it isn’t the right time to push harder. Sometimes telling ourselves to turn it down is 10 times harder than telling ourselves to turn the dial up. 

So how in the hell does this help me become an everything bagel? Well being an everything bagel is just that. I learn to balance not just my activities but also my rest and I recognize that prioritizing my rest and recovery is a huge part of why I can do activities to begin with. I guess to do everything, sometimes we have to do nothing.

So friends– eat the bagel, watch your TV show and remember to be kind to yourself.

xoxoxo,

Trinity ❤

Anyone want a bite of my vegan, gluten free, cruelty free, hypoallergenic, ecofriendly, preservative free, non-GMO, guilt free cupcake??

Posted in peace, youth

Right as Rain

Posted on by tjoroski

You know that physical feeling you get when you “ace” a test? When you thought you got at LEAST a D+ and by the literal grace of God you somehow managed a B-???? It’s a physical feeling of relief when you suddenly don’t feel like holding your breath or balling your eyes out. WELL thats how I’ve been feeling lately because I did it again….GOT A NEW JOB. But this time is different, you know why? Because I feel like I aced my test. I physically feel like my muscles are relaxed and my lungs can fill with air. 

I have worked many jobs over the last 5 years. Pretty much all healthcare (except for a minor stint at a karaoke bar LOL), wearing many hats and discovering the raw truth behind toxic work dynamics and systemic hierarchical bullsh*t. It has taken many years of fighting the good fight trying to manifest my dEsTiny or whatever working 9-5 for the mAn or some sh*t. AND LET ME TELL YOU THIS: with each additional row of “experience” added to my resume I have learned some things and also learned to recognize that feeling of when something is just…right. 

As a 27 year old woman, wisdom is something I have been learning the hard way through the many ups and downs of young adulthood. There are a handful of takeaways that I can say changed the way I carry myself through the world, many of which have come from my experiences in the workplace. If you’re still reading then I love you and here is my list:

  1. SPEAK UP. Very important rule here. If you let them, they will walk all over you. Them being managers, coworkers AND patrons (i.e customers, patients etc). 
  2. DON’T make yourself smaller to make others feel comfortable. People will want you to tone down who you are in order to cater to their feelings. If you ever feel this energy from the people you work with or are around everyday, that place is not for you. If you can, LEAVE…..
  3. …..so that you DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME. Time is the most precious thing we have in this world and it is priceless and irreplaceable. That job and those people will replace you in a heartbeat, don’t be fooled. 
  4. DON’T BE SO QUICK TO TRUST. Many times it will seem safe. It will seem nice and the water might be warm, but always stay on guard until proven otherwise. People wear disguises all the time and try to be someone they are not. Do not fall for these tricks. Use your better judgment before bringing all your walls down regardless of how much “camaraderie” there may seem to be. 
  5. Lastly, NEVER FORGET YOUR VALUE. You are bringing something important to this job or this environment. You were hired for a reason and you are skilled. Never let a job convince you that you are worth less. Ever. 

As you can tell, my skin has become a little thicker these days from all the bullsh*t, but I am grateful for what I know now. You learn to appreciate the moments that do feel right. For example, personally, I know something feels right for me physically because my body has a reaction. I sometimes want to cry. I know that sounds corny and weird maybe but it means I feel relieved. Or there are times when I can actually see past my stress and anxieties to take in my surroundings for once like the storm has passed and I can see things make sense. I can actually smell the roses and appreciate the sun on my face or the leftover pizza I brought for lunch. Anyways, you get the picture. 

So to this I say cheers friends and good luck. May your gut guide you! I hope wherever you are, it feels just..well.. right!?

“Follow your dreamz? Uh yeah.” – Mac Miller

Posted in lost, peace, storytelling, youth

Pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters.

Posted on by tjoroski

Embracing change can feel like hugging a cactus. Or perhaps it’s similar to taking cherry flavored cough syrup—it’s awful tasting, but you know you need it and that eventually it’ll make you feel better. 

Embracing change is one of those things that we essentially have no say in. So quite literally we either embrace it or make things entirely more difficult by avoiding it. 

Historically, I have been terrible at embracing change. I am usually afraid of the future and what I can’t control, it’s something I’ve been grappling with my whole life. When change happens I’m not always ready for it and I’m don’t always handle it well. However, when the storm passes and the change is simply ~happening~ to me…. I find that I’m actually, truly okay. Like the fear of it was wayyyy worse than the change itself. 

I feel like I am not alone in this either. I think we can all agree it’s reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllly difficult to understand that change is actually happening for the betterment of our own futures (or something wise like that idk). Change also manifests different for everyone. It hurts different, hits different, heals different for every single human. No two paths are alike.

Sometimes we forget that we ALL go through it, like we fail to realize we’re all navigating this chaos at the same time!!! I have many friends right now, all in their twenties and early thirties still scratching their heads asking “what went wrong here? How long until this is resolved? When will I feel better? Is it my fault?” The answer is WHO FUC*IN KNOWS. A wise man once said, “time will tell us everything we need to know.” That line has never been more true and encompasses every aspect of the struggle—the reality is there is no quick fix and change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a matter of l-e-t-t-i-n-g it happen naturally. You can’t force it, like a fart- if you force it, it’s probably shit (saw this on a magnet somewhere).

So friends, to all this I say— try your hardest to be like the ocean and move with the waves. Let your self be carried by the water into the good vibes ahead. No sense in fighting the current because you’ll just be struggling to keep your head above water. Remember to take those deep breaths, lean on your loved ones, eat that bagel, do that workout and watch that episode. Take care of yourselves and love yourself through it, that’s the only way.

My families dog- Jazzy💖 05/2011-10/3/2023. May she reign in doggy heaven forever ✨🐶🕊🤍 R.I.P

Posted in peace

Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice✨

Posted on by tjoroski

Have you ever caught a glimpse of your own reflection and it made you stop and think for a sec? Maybe you thought, “wow I look great!” or “wow I look like sh*t” or maybe “man wtf am I doing??”… because I have. In fact it happened today as I was walking the dog in the rain.

I caught a glimpse of myself and it made me stop and stare. And I liked what I saw. I saw a girl trying to grow. Trying her best to grow and just let go. Let go of all things past, all things negative, all things that take away from my life. In this fall season that is my theme. I intend to release myself of old expectations and pain that has only held me back for ages. Kind of like a reptile or a invertebrate (ew thats the bio major talking lmao) I want to shed my old skin. To step out of that shell and feel new again.

I love fall because its a refresh, it brings to cooler weather and the rain. The leaves fall and the wind picks up. The colors are gorgeous and the vibes are unmatched. Its almost like new air from somewhere else has made its way here. All the way to me.

It helps with letting go–the fall season I mean. I guess its fair to say that I am changing as the seasons do. I am learning to feel myself again, unlearn bad habits and trust the way forward. Its not easy, definitely spooky, and a little bit rough. YET it doesnt have to be perfect or linear (nothing ever is), the only requirement is forward momentum.

Letting go of anything is a mother*cking art form. Its extremely uncomfortable and feels like when you have to set a bone after it breaks in a really awkward way. I am currently in the process of leaving behind some heavy, heavy emotions. Emotions and feelings that have run my life and have made my life exponentially harder than it needs to be. It has been hard to take chances, trust, explore, and just have a clear mind. I haven’t had a clear mind with no chitter chatter in the background in YEARS. I’ve been telling myself to shutup when what I really want is to tell myself is to “LET IT OUT B*TCH.”

Finding peace is honestly what we all want. Love and money would be nice yes, but just having peace to exist without so much DRAMA or anxiousness, doubt or FEAR!? Yeah that would be f*cking great. So that is my current mission this fall season. Finding peace by letting go of ALL OF IT.

So cheers friends, I encourage you to find your mission this season, keep the promises you make to yourself and never forget if it doesnt work today, there’s always tomorrow.

xoxo,

Trin ☕️🍂

I AM THE APPLE OF MY OWN EYE DAMMIT💋😉🍎

Posted in lost, peace, planning, youth

“Hate It Or Love It”

Posted on by tjoroski

This is arguably by far the hardest, most challenging, uprooting, beautiful, heavy and confusing year of my life. I can say with UTTER and complete confidence that I have no f*cking idea what is going on. I am 26. Just 26 years young and 100% agree with the idea that your twenties are a hot train wreck from hell. There are so many silver linings and miracles within our youth. I have been blessed to the nines with some of the people I have met and the places I have been, yet there is this counter balance. This weight that is wrapped around your ankles, pulling you down. I am in this crazy space where I am free yet so stuck. Like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but the tunnel is so damn long that I just keep running. Sweating, out of breath, thirsty, in pain. 

This year my heart broke. This year my car broke (literally got into my second accident totaling my car once again). This year I went to Europe and fell in love with a new city. This year I got lost and not a single google maps search could save me from not knowing where my future lies. This year I realized my past stole from me— my money, my time and my love. 

I am going to be 27 in November and Im f*cking terrified. Who will I meet? Where will I go? Can I afford to go there? Will my heart become whole again? Will I finally stop crying?? (LOL never). I just have no clue which way is up these days. I don’t know who’s right and who’s wrong. Ive never been so unsure in my entire life. 

But you know what—I’m here. I’m here to find out. Everyday is the exact same but different. Everyday I wake up, anything can happen. I could run into 50 cent at the grocery store. I could win a cereal box sweepstakes. Maybe someone will discover me and I’ll become a famous blogger. Quite literally the world is my OYSTER (and I like oysters). So yes, I have been on the ride of my damn life, doing my best to stay positive and “keep my head up.” UGH can we be more original please!?

SO many questions, unanswered. ZERO sense of direction. No comprehension -anymore- of what I wanna be when I grow up. Sometimes I feel like I’m even going backwards and everyone else is moving forward past me. AND I KNOW  how this sounds. This is literally my thoughts, my brain IS this blog. I write to stay alive. I write to feel strong. To connect, to stay grounded in something when everything else is just non existent or falling apart. And to be clear, this isn’t an invitation for sympathy. This is my platform to be me and all are welcome here. Plus I KNOW you people have shit you’re going through. We ALL do for f*cks sake. 

With that being said though, I’m here. Im a person, a human. I write love letters to you and to myself with this blog. You’re not alone on this sinking ship. Lets keep bailing water out of this b*tch before *insert tasteless joke about millionaires and the deep sea*

xoxo

Trinity

Posted in motivation, peace, storytelling, youth

She said so.

Posted on by tjoroski

The power of voice. The power of her voice. Today I’m blogging about being loud, bold, empowered, and unapologetic.

As you all know, I write when stuff comes to mind, unfiltered and I basically say whatever the hell I think in my brain.

Today I felt inspired and I’ll tell you why. I am currently on an airplane back to the United States from Europe where I connected with friends- powerful female friendship is a force to be reckoned with! I wanted to shoutout female friendship and womanhood in general —so stick with me ladies (and gents if you made it here congrats you’re welcome to stay the support is always welcomed).

There are 100 billion trillion quadrobajillion opinions on what it means to be a woman in our UNTAMED world (super nice way to put it I know *pretends to vomit*). SO as per usual and to no one’s surprise, I’ll tell you mine.

To be a woman is to have your own f*cking opinion on whatever the hell that means. To be a woman is to roll your eyes and flip the bird at whoever comes at you sideways when they think they know you better than you know yourself. To be a woman means that “you do you girl”- spoken by a fellow female powerhouse.

I’m loud, I cuss a lot, I get sweaty, angry, b*tchy, hot headed. Sometimes I snort when I laugh, I f*cking HATE loading and unloading the dishwasher, I’m bad at doing laundry, my cooking is ass and tbh I rather get my nails done than buy necessary things like toilet paper (I’m working on it). ON THE CONTRARY I make people laugh, I’m devoted to my craft, I’ll never give up on the people who make my world go round, I’m a ride or die friend, my hair is dyed red, and I’m really good at using the microwave and getting dressed up to go out somewhere. I’m always working on what it means to live and breathe MY divine feminine energy.

She’s powerful. She doesn’t take sh*t, she’s loud. She is always learning and loving. Figuring out how to be sexy for her. She’s a woman and she has a voice.

My friends and the women in my life are my light. Strong, loving, decision makers and caregivers. In this world with so many rules, nuances, bullsh*t laws, unspoken code, and unwelcomed opinions…we have one another. Together we are a force that gives the world momentum like a gravitational pull that never stops. If you don’t like something say it. If you don’t agree with something, then don’t agree b*tch!

Your voice is everything. Her voice is everything. Lift each other up and fight for your sh*t. From personal experience and a TON of learning and self work, never be afraid to be a loud ass woman. In todays soap opera of a society, we gotta be louder baby. So I challenge you this my friends: next time you’re with your friend or a woman you care about #1 tell her she’s fine as hell OBVIOUSLY and #2 embrace your muthaf*ckin WOMAN POWER.

Cheers to living as you want. I’ll be back in America at my local rage room spreading the love. Merci!!🇫🇷

TITS UP LADIES🔥💯💋

Posted in lost, motivation, peace, planning, storytelling, youth

CALL 911 IM TRYING SOMETHING NEW

Posted on by tjoroski

Yo yo yo!!!! It’s ya girl back with a new episode of “WTF IS SHE DOING WITH HER LIFE” 🙂

So yes. Here we go. I am officially an Emergency Medical Technician student! I am so stoked. I decided to hit pause on getting my masters as a Physician Assistant and get more experience learning and hopefully doing some dope and crazy sh*t!!! I’m a little nervous but I know it’s the right thing because for some odd reason I am DRAWN TO THE CHAOS and I wanna help.

The thing is: this is the first time in over a year where I feel genuinely confident that I am 1000% where I am supposed to be. It doesn’t feel like a waste of time and I am so eager to learn. Ya know when you do something and it just feels right? Like nothing in your body is telling you otherwise. It’s a good feeling and I’ll admit it’s a foreign one too. I am a firm believer in working the system until you find the right fit. As an adult, I’ve always known that healthcare is for me, but I’ve had SO MANY jobs that didn’t feel “right” and this new adventure FINALLY feels correct like it clicked.

I would also like to point out that working with like minded people is such a valuable thing. Everyone in my class is a little cray cray because not only do we wanna be front line, we actually find joy in chaotic places where we feel we can make an actual difference. If you follow my blog, you know I have had a lot of ups and downs in my career/job life so writing this now is quite a revelation for me LOL.

The main reason I wanted to share my news with you all is because I have learned that No matter what, no matter how f*cking CORNY it sounds…DO NOT GIVE UP. Not on yourself, not on your dreams, not on your gut feelings etc. stick to it baby. What you put it is what you get out. You are the one that will take yourself to new heights but only if you actually BELIEVE you can reach them. I know I know it sounds lowkey stupid lol but take it from a b*tch who hasn’t had the most clear and direct/easy path to where she is now. It’s been one hell of a ride and it’s honestly just starting. Maybe in 3 years I’ll be a medic overseas makin’ dough, saving lives and sippin margs (off duty of course). IDK BUT I BELIEVE IT B*TCH.

So with this I say: visualize it. Breathe it. Even if you aren’t sure wtf is going on. Pick a feeling and roll with it like the damn tides babe. If you’re like “hmmm idk I like teaching and I like yoga and I like warm weather” then maybe try yoga teaching. If you love animals and like talking a lot then go hang out at the zoo and look at their job openings idk. But understand this: there are options and there is a pathway. This blog is for those of us who have had a rough go at finding it… but sis… it’s f*cking there you just have to go get it!

Wear green and share this post 10 times and you’ll be rich by next Wednesday.

Posted in Uncategorized, youth

…and just a pinch of chaos

Posted on by tjoroski

1 cup boredom. 1/2 cup confusion. 1 tbsp of distraction. 3/4 stick of disaster. Anddddd just a pinch of chaos = Vanilla Frosting covered BULLSH*T.

Maybe I shouldn’t start every blog off so pessimistic because I really am an optimist BUT idk can’t help it?? Plus y’all know that would be boring lol.

So I’m here, at my desk, at my new job…spoiler alert I’m an MA at an urgent care (AGAIN). Same sh*t different day. But my thoughts today are LOUD. My gawd I swear today I can’t SHUTUP! My brain is talking to me too much and it’s driving me crazy. Here’s what I’m thinking: do y’all ever feel the grim sense that you’re wasting time? Like maybe instead I could be on a boat somewhere doing something cooler than giving an airhead their tetanus shot because they thought it would be cool to scale a fence barefoot.

Most days I feel grateful I have a plan of some kind. Like OK YES Im going to school to be an EMT, which may lead to PA school but for now this is fine. For now I need a steady income to get me there and Im ok with that. Then other days like today, Im like DAMN I will never get this day, this minute, or this SECOND back!? Its kinda weird and awkwardly disappointing. So HOW on Earth do I come to terms with my “maybe waste of time job when I wanna be on a boat somewhere else” problem? This is what I’ve come up with so far:

ITS ALL ABOUT THE FOUNDATIONS BABYYYYY! I know for a fact I do not wanna be working at the same job doing the same things day in and day out my whole life. If that works for you then fine! Everyone is different and as I have said before, we all have different circumstances. However, I do believe we can always work to change our circumstances if we want to do so badly enough. That being said, I think of my current circumstances as my foundational phase. I want to put in the work now so that when Im in my 30s and 40s, I can TRULY do what I want, where I want, when I want. Besides, there’s no shame in admitting I can’t live lavishly now LOL. By the time I can actually enjoy myself doing whatever it is, I’ll (ideally) have the actual means to do so without stressing between my dog getting the organic wet food this week or If I can get a full tank of gas this time.

I want to set myself up for success and the reason I started this blog was to highlight the bullish*t that IS the concept of our 20s and early 30s being aMaZiNg *eyeroll* While there are amazing moments, we are essentially building ourselves for tomorrow. Im 26 and know maybe 0.000123654723% of whats actually going on and how Im going to figure my life out. I am 100000000% in my Bob the Builder Era and it’ll be a while longer before I can reach my Trinity From the Matrix Era dodging bullets making it look easy.

The thing to remember is this: you cannot, SHOULD not, by any means kick yourself and bully yourself into feeling not worthy enough to earn the rewards of tomorrow. Work hard to get your sh*t together, find strength and keep pushing. Give yourself grace!! Obvi don’t be a lazy B & move forward knowing your grind of today will *hopefully* be smooth sailing when you’re a little older. I mean we work hard to literally play hard no???

So my challenge to you is this friends: the next time you feel bored as f*ck, like you’re wasting time or feeling useless, just think about how you are the dictator of you’re own circumstances and if your grind truly matters to you, then double down and push harder to make your future worth it- and if you hate your circumstances and your job or WHATEVER else…CHANGE THAT SH*T DAWG!

Nothing like some freshly baked food for thought and a hot cup of STFU.