Tag: mental-health

Posted in being, lost, peace, youth

28

Posted on by tjoroski

Somewhere between love and hate.

In between outgrowing what I knew and where I’m going.

Realizing that being at war with yourself is a fight that can’t be won. 

Understanding that relationships deepen but get more complicated as we age. 

28 is making peace with what I don’t know. Accepting that the price of my new self is my old self. 

You can’t outgrow what you don’t let go of. 

I’m not in the bittersweet wanderlust of my early to mid twenties, yet not quite made it to the fresh start of my thirties. 

Praying the world gives us the grace to grow. 

Some of us are drinkin, smokin, getting high. Some hanging on by a thread seeking light and strength wherever we can find it. Some buying houses, having babies, getting married. Others on a lonely adventure exploring life’s unpredictability.

28 is being stained by what we have uncovered about ourselves and the reality of our world… but continuing to soldier on. Doing it scared. Taking risks to keep moving because we either swim or die. 

28 is having discovered what we don’t like. 

It’s about knowing more about our morals and what we stand on more than ever before. 

It’s having just a little more clarity about life than we did when we were 26.

We made it past the 27 club.

28 is great because the world takes us slightly more seriously. We’re not “babies” but we’re not old enough to have the answers. 

28 is like being the oldest sibling. People look to you as if you’re gonna know what to do, and we fake it as if we do.

28 is my favorite year of life. Not because I have more wisdom inside me and certain failures behind me.

I love it because with this little bit of life I know, I actually believe in something. I have achieved enough, lived long enough and worked hard enough to finally believe in myself. 

I wonder what 29 will bring. 

xoxo,

T

“Are you a hot person feeling down and depressed?”

Posted in being

Love, Human.

Posted on by tjoroski

Why is the cost of love, loss? Why do we solider on and persevere even if it seems the odds are stacked against us? Why do we “fight the good fight” with so much to lose? It seems the ticket of admission for deep love and true connection is risk–risking everything within ourselves in the hopes love will never fail. Yet, we lose people, pets, things…so my question is why in the hell do we continue again and again when we KNOW beyond a reasonable doubt that we will suffer pain, loss, angst? Is it really true that “it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?” My answer is yes. It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all .

The reason you’re alive on this Earth? At some point the two people who created you felt a sensation. Could have been lust, companionship, longing, or it could have been love. That’s the reason for my existence, the reason I have a name, it’s the reason I write this blog. To be human is to love and be loved. It starts wars and ends them. To be human is to experience every emotion under the sun and think the world may end at any moment, but continue to reheat our coffees and change the bed sheets as if we’ll live forever and nothing is wrong. But that is the insanely beautiful juxtaposition of life…just as love is with loss or change. We know *in theory* that nothing we can hold in our hands will last forever. But the crazy thing, is that love does last forever. It never fails, and it is our one true constant. You love your parents after they are long gone… you love your pets after they cross the rainbow bridge… you love after loss, and how grateful are we to have known that love? That love travels with you, and you spread it to others. To your friends, your other family, hopefully you spread it to yourself too.

So Okay—but does this explain why we as humans hold on to love even when it’s a risk? Even when it might not make sense to the outside world? It explains that pain is apart of the human experience as we are all too intimately familiar with. However, the thing about love is that it’s stubborn. Just as we are. We don’t give up easily because there is too much at stake. Matters of the heart will always bring hardship, but how interesting that on the other side there could be great change, joy, peace and happiness? When we have love, whether it be romantic, friendship, familial…it is always worth fighting for. That is because without it, without each other, this world becomes a different place. Other people are the greatest joy in life. We teach each other things, push each other to grow, experience the world together, support one another whether it be with math homework, cooking dinner, climbing Mt Everest or simply sharing thoughts over a phone call.

So although we may endure the sharpness of loss, we also become immersed in the pure joy that is loving others and being loved by others. There’s nothing else that can compare and it is apart of who we are as people. As long as we have love in this world, we also have hope. So friends, next time you cross paths with love itself…notice it, feel it, recognize it. Hold onto it. Life is both long and enduring, while also fragile and special. We live in a very hectic world where love is often last on the list of priorities. Yet without it, there would be no me, there would be no you.

Love,

Human.

Posted in lost, peace, storytelling, youth

Flip a Coin

Posted on by tjoroski

Change. Is it the jingly jangly shit in my pocket? Is it the random time between Winter and Spring? Or perhaps change is when I switch up my workout routine, get a 0.000001% raise or try a vegetarian diet for 3.25 months. I’ve written about change before and how accepting it has historically been challenging for me. That was a few years ago. Now, after I’ve undergone the most change I’ve experienced in life, here’s what I have to say: CHANGE CAN BE A CHOICE (if we choose it back).

Still with me? I’ll explain. It’s been some time since I have written a creative piece such as this. That’s because I spent the last *however many months* riding the f*cking tidal wave of life and my surfboard was a really sturdy toothpick. We all know this wave quite intimately, and when the wave crashes on the shore, the change hits. It can be incredible, amazing, “just-what-I-needed” redirecting change. Or perhaps it’s awful, life-altering, destructible change. Hell, it could be small but just as impactful as a fender bender or catching a bad flu that uses the only sick time you have left. Either way change is change but it is a choice and here’s why. We either change with it, or we don’t. When we choose to surf, we ~become~ the change (imagine the Smucker’s Goober PB and Jelly swirl spread). The change then becomes agreeable even when it’s awful because we adapt to it. When we embrace it or accept it (maybe after some time), the change becomes our new normal, our new life. Don’t get me wrong, in my experience, embracing change is the dumbest thing to be told. I hate hearing it. Even if I know logically that this annoying statement also doubles as a golden rule, (especially since we often wouldn’t know positive redirection if it slapped us in the face with a spatula) I still make a weird face when I hear it or see it. 

These past 6-8 months have changed my perspective on change and how EmBrAcInG iT or whatever might actually benefit me?? That is because I knew change was coming (which didn’t feel like a choice), I refused to believe it or change with it for a little while, but when I realized that I was choosing to suffer, I took a step back and thought about it a little harder. After some emotional *adjusting* :’) I thought “hmm, maybe if I take it upon myself to move with the current, I might not drown.” Andddddddd that’s what I did. I began to shift my view of the world to what was within my realm of control: my thoughts, how I process my emotions and what I choose to do or not do (shoutout Mel Robbins Author of the Let Them Theory–groundbreaking book). Understanding what I could control HELPED me exponentially in understanding my choices when change arrives at my doorstep. I was able to relinquish control of the thoughts and fears that were holding me back. I wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t linear and it is still an ongoing journey, but it permanently altered my brain chemistry for the better.

Maybe all this makes sense, maybe it doesn’t. What I do know is this– change comes in all different shapes, sizes, colors, smells, vibes…and it’s going to happen whether we like it or not. It is then within OUR realm of power to release what we’re trying to control and move with the change, not against it. WAYYYY easier said than done, I know. BUT! Friends, my challenge to you is this: next time you are experiencing change of any kind–bear in mind what might help you so that you don’t keep getting in your own way. Recognize what you can change and what you can’t, don’t give your power away to a situation you have no power over and then take it back for yourself. THAT is how you surf. It’s not about being okay with all the change or the situation, it’s about self preservation so you can rise again, stronger than ever before. 

xoxo,

Trin 💖

“Tell me to embrace change one more f*cking time I’m gonna lose my sh*t”

Posted in peace, youth

The lore of my 2024

Posted on by tjoroski

As this year comes to a close, it’s that wonderful (annoying but necessary) time to reflect on this past year. To dive in and think about the delulu and beautiful moments that made this year another one to remember. The holidays are funny because they can also bring on emotions and feelings that are either really incredible or really f*cking awful. For some, this may be the best Christmas/Holiday season to date while for others it could be the worst possible time to celebrate family and togetherness. Then there is the middle ground, the happy holiday gray area that lingers like a cloud. In between all the holly, jolly, candy cane cheer and bahumbug energy, there’s us. People living lives and being people. The people are peopling. And we happened to people ourselves all the way to 2025. 

This past year has been a roller coaster bringing the absolute best and worst out of me. I learned a great deal of stuff and embarked on many new journeys (physically, spiritually, emotionally).  I forgot who I am, remembered, forgot again and now I’m acknowledging my truths and embracing who I am more than ever before. I went from being scared of my alone time to now feeling immense gratitude for it. My career path switched then switched again (*shocked gasp*), but this time I landed somewhere true to myself. The lessons from this year will stay with me the rest of my life, some might even say that this year has been the most important of my life thus far. For example, I learned that people who are meant to stay in your life will stay and those who aren’t will fade into the background. I learned that I like reading more than I previously thought and that I don’t have to dye my hair a different color to embrace change in my life. I have worked to prioritize myself, being the main character of my own story. I also learned that living in truth and following your heart is the only way to true joy. Trust is the true pillar of all things and without love in this world, we have nothing. One of the greatest takeaways of this year however, is learning the immense value in being present. Truly letting go of things that don’t serve us anymore, making room for what is. Connecting with our present moment and engaging with the people in our lives as who they are now…THAT is a mother*cking gift. 

Life is a never ending cluster f*ck of growth, change, misery, love, joy, sadness, fun etc. It’s like the Airhead mystery flavor where you’re pretty sure it’s one thing but you never actually know what it is, you just eat it anyways. By the time we reach the holiday season, there’s an energy of “f*ckin hell we did it guys!” Believe it or not, we all live in this same winter wonderland disaster zone together so while Christmas and the holidays celebrates many things, I also like to think of it as a party we all throw to commemorate another year where we either thrived or just survived. This holiday season looks a little different for me as not all my family will be together this time and my heart is across the globe, but I have so much to be thankful for that any complaints are out of the question. So my friends, as you make your resolution list, give yourself a pat on the back and do yourself a favor, write “learn to make bolognese and play bridge” instead of “understand the limitations I place on myself by not processing my emotions,” because Lord knows that life will teach you lessons whether you write it down or not (period). 

Have a merry, holly jolly, sugarplum fairy, joyful, chill, awesome, delicious, stress-free holiday szn everyone (Godspeed) and a very happy f*cking new year! This one is gonna be good, seriously I can feel it in my bones!!

xoxo,

Trinity