Tag: #growth

Posted in lost, motivation, peace, planning, storytelling, youth

CALL 911 IM TRYING SOMETHING NEW

Posted on by tjoroski

Yo yo yo!!!! It’s ya girl back with a new episode of “WTF IS SHE DOING WITH HER LIFE” 🙂

So yes. Here we go. I am officially an Emergency Medical Technician student! I am so stoked. I decided to hit pause on getting my masters as a Physician Assistant and get more experience learning and hopefully doing some dope and crazy sh*t!!! I’m a little nervous but I know it’s the right thing because for some odd reason I am DRAWN TO THE CHAOS and I wanna help.

The thing is: this is the first time in over a year where I feel genuinely confident that I am 1000% where I am supposed to be. It doesn’t feel like a waste of time and I am so eager to learn. Ya know when you do something and it just feels right? Like nothing in your body is telling you otherwise. It’s a good feeling and I’ll admit it’s a foreign one too. I am a firm believer in working the system until you find the right fit. As an adult, I’ve always known that healthcare is for me, but I’ve had SO MANY jobs that didn’t feel “right” and this new adventure FINALLY feels correct like it clicked.

I would also like to point out that working with like minded people is such a valuable thing. Everyone in my class is a little cray cray because not only do we wanna be front line, we actually find joy in chaotic places where we feel we can make an actual difference. If you follow my blog, you know I have had a lot of ups and downs in my career/job life so writing this now is quite a revelation for me LOL.

The main reason I wanted to share my news with you all is because I have learned that No matter what, no matter how f*cking CORNY it sounds…DO NOT GIVE UP. Not on yourself, not on your dreams, not on your gut feelings etc. stick to it baby. What you put it is what you get out. You are the one that will take yourself to new heights but only if you actually BELIEVE you can reach them. I know I know it sounds lowkey stupid lol but take it from a b*tch who hasn’t had the most clear and direct/easy path to where she is now. It’s been one hell of a ride and it’s honestly just starting. Maybe in 3 years I’ll be a medic overseas makin’ dough, saving lives and sippin margs (off duty of course). IDK BUT I BELIEVE IT B*TCH.

So with this I say: visualize it. Breathe it. Even if you aren’t sure wtf is going on. Pick a feeling and roll with it like the damn tides babe. If you’re like “hmmm idk I like teaching and I like yoga and I like warm weather” then maybe try yoga teaching. If you love animals and like talking a lot then go hang out at the zoo and look at their job openings idk. But understand this: there are options and there is a pathway. This blog is for those of us who have had a rough go at finding it… but sis… it’s f*cking there you just have to go get it!

Wear green and share this post 10 times and you’ll be rich by next Wednesday.

Posted in Uncategorized, youth

…and just a pinch of chaos

Posted on by tjoroski

1 cup boredom. 1/2 cup confusion. 1 tbsp of distraction. 3/4 stick of disaster. Anddddd just a pinch of chaos = Vanilla Frosting covered BULLSH*T.

Maybe I shouldn’t start every blog off so pessimistic because I really am an optimist BUT idk can’t help it?? Plus y’all know that would be boring lol.

So I’m here, at my desk, at my new job…spoiler alert I’m an MA at an urgent care (AGAIN). Same sh*t different day. But my thoughts today are LOUD. My gawd I swear today I can’t SHUTUP! My brain is talking to me too much and it’s driving me crazy. Here’s what I’m thinking: do y’all ever feel the grim sense that you’re wasting time? Like maybe instead I could be on a boat somewhere doing something cooler than giving an airhead their tetanus shot because they thought it would be cool to scale a fence barefoot.

Most days I feel grateful I have a plan of some kind. Like OK YES Im going to school to be an EMT, which may lead to PA school but for now this is fine. For now I need a steady income to get me there and Im ok with that. Then other days like today, Im like DAMN I will never get this day, this minute, or this SECOND back!? Its kinda weird and awkwardly disappointing. So HOW on Earth do I come to terms with my “maybe waste of time job when I wanna be on a boat somewhere else” problem? This is what I’ve come up with so far:

ITS ALL ABOUT THE FOUNDATIONS BABYYYYY! I know for a fact I do not wanna be working at the same job doing the same things day in and day out my whole life. If that works for you then fine! Everyone is different and as I have said before, we all have different circumstances. However, I do believe we can always work to change our circumstances if we want to do so badly enough. That being said, I think of my current circumstances as my foundational phase. I want to put in the work now so that when Im in my 30s and 40s, I can TRULY do what I want, where I want, when I want. Besides, there’s no shame in admitting I can’t live lavishly now LOL. By the time I can actually enjoy myself doing whatever it is, I’ll (ideally) have the actual means to do so without stressing between my dog getting the organic wet food this week or If I can get a full tank of gas this time.

I want to set myself up for success and the reason I started this blog was to highlight the bullish*t that IS the concept of our 20s and early 30s being aMaZiNg *eyeroll* While there are amazing moments, we are essentially building ourselves for tomorrow. Im 26 and know maybe 0.000123654723% of whats actually going on and how Im going to figure my life out. I am 100000000% in my Bob the Builder Era and it’ll be a while longer before I can reach my Trinity From the Matrix Era dodging bullets making it look easy.

The thing to remember is this: you cannot, SHOULD not, by any means kick yourself and bully yourself into feeling not worthy enough to earn the rewards of tomorrow. Work hard to get your sh*t together, find strength and keep pushing. Give yourself grace!! Obvi don’t be a lazy B & move forward knowing your grind of today will *hopefully* be smooth sailing when you’re a little older. I mean we work hard to literally play hard no???

So my challenge to you is this friends: the next time you feel bored as f*ck, like you’re wasting time or feeling useless, just think about how you are the dictator of you’re own circumstances and if your grind truly matters to you, then double down and push harder to make your future worth it- and if you hate your circumstances and your job or WHATEVER else…CHANGE THAT SH*T DAWG!

Nothing like some freshly baked food for thought and a hot cup of STFU.

Posted in Uncategorized

Rough Seas

Posted on by tjoroski

Happy Monday? Ew no. I am not a Monday or a morning queen. How about happy-we-are-still-blogging-and-got-out-of-bed-day. MUCH BETTER.

As I type I am working through an ocean of emotion (rhyme scale 2 out of 10 at best). Its been an odd few weeks? Months maybe? I just remember the Oscars flying by and perhaps St Patricks day was in there but IDK. What happens when everything occurs to you all at once? How do you navigate the boat? The storm is here. Murky, rough waters, harsh winds, and the deep dark unknowns. I will be the first to publicly announce my great fear of exactly that: THE uNkNoWn…

It’s always been a real stupid struggle for me to grapple with what I don’t know. What I can’t control and what I can’t foresee always gets me DOWN. I wish I had a crystal ball but I know if I did, I would most likely drive myself even more insane. Im in this space where I don’t know if I should go left or right, up, down or sideways. Im relying on signs from the higher power and from the universe because while I am trying my best and making decisions that I think are right, they generally come back to bite me in the ASS.

For example, I got rejected from all PA programs last application cycle and now I am at a crossroads where I am deciding if I should apply again. At the same time I will be taking courses to become EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) Certified but with the unfortunate way the cookie crumbles, this EMT experience wouldn’t even be applicable for this next round of school applications BLA BLA BLA. Don’t worry if that shit doesn’t make any sense for you lol just know it sucks.

I also am being tested in my relationships in my life and being challenged to do the right thing with my head and my heart which if you know me, my heart likes to run WILD in the love jungle and she doesn’t always know how to turn it down or bring it in… a matter for my complicated mind to settle in private BUT my point is, life really is like that meme. The one that asks how am I supposed to balance school, love life, wellness, more school, eating food other than $0.39 ramen, walk the dog, watch reality tv, talk to people, get gas and stay alive ALL AT THE SAME TIME???

Its like I’m swimming but with ankle weights so like my top half is moving but my legs are just flailing and sinking!! I am trying everything to stay positive and look at the good too. I got to see SZA in concert (I wept), I still have hot water at home and although my dog got skunked and lost a toenail last weekend, she is still cute LMAO. SO thinking back to my New Years post and thinking about everything happening, my only solution is to keep f*cking going. If we sink, we’re toast. So imma just keep it real and keep moving, imma f*ck around and find out what the future holds because this shit is not my last stop and you can bet that those ankle weights are only gonna make me stronger when they come off!!!!!!!

Cheers Friends ❤

Maryjanelosthertoenailaftergettingsprayedbyaskunk.jpg

Posted in lost, motivation, peace, youth

2022 Hate Mail💌

Posted on by tjoroski

If you laughed this year, you also cried.

If you cried a lot, you probably laughed a little mostly at yourself.

Surrounded by hot and cold, up and down.

Yes or no? Maybe, could be, should I?

Moving forwards isn’t easy, especially when today reminds you of yesterday.

Or when tomorrow is too scary to think about today.

No matter what though, tomorrow is always there. 

No matter what year it is, the good days exist.

So, 2022 I say to you, You are yesterday.

And to 2023, you are my good year. 

Issa love/hate kinda thing.

Posted in lost, motivation, peace, storytelling, youth

SOS

Posted on by tjoroski

I have never ever felt more “untethered,” lost, unbound, unwound or weirded out in my whole 26 year old mf’ing LIFE. But it’s ok! And I’ll explain lol. 

The ONLY tangible shit keeping me afloat is the fact that SZA is going on tour in March and I MIGHT BE ABLE TO AFFORD IT? IDK remains to be seen. ANYWAYS, people its time to post some thoughts as this INSANE and wild year of 2022 is finally at its close. 

A close friend of mine asked me, “how would you describe your year in a few words.” THAT is a F************cking QUESTION! Here’s what I said: complex, confusing, challenging and bittersweet. 

Not exactly a chipper description. However, its just honest. I had some killer good times and incredible highlights truly. Going places I’ll  never forget and living unforgettable moments. SO with that, let’s start with what we learned this year (‘we’ being me and my good friend anxiety). 

This year I learned more than anything: HUMILITY AND WHAT IT MEANS TO BE MORE HUMBLE. This statement is crucial to personal growth because sometimes you have a plan and then life says f*ck YOU i don’t think so! and then you’re slapped in the face with redirecting and reevaluating your life (as my wise old man would say). Having gone through MANY ups and downs, career changes and jobs this year on top of PA school rejections, has truly made me stop and smell the ✨new pathway to idk where✨In all seriousness, I learned the importance of: being okay with TAKING AN L (for those of you who don’t relate to this slang it simply means ‘being ok with taking a loss’ such as not achieving your dreams or something lol). ✌🏼

NEXT UP: HOW TO HUSTLE FOR MY GAWDDAMN MONEY. This one is near and dear to my heart (far from my wallet) because this is the big year that I not only came off moms tit (and her kush insurance plan) BUT was so in between jobs that I had to hustle and grind just to keep myself afloat in more ways than one. I worked to discover local resources, side hustles and budgeting tactics.  Delivery driving, donating plasma and working part time at a karaoke bar wasn’t glamorous but it kept my ass wiped and I had food on the table. THAT BEING SAID: this next year is all about struggling less. However, there is beauty in the struggle. I learned a lot about how to survive and take care of sh*t. 

FINALLY: I leaned into my strengths. I tried new things (hip hop dance specifically, I still royaly suck at cooking) and gained confidence. I worked to better myself and find out more about what I want and deserve. Quite honestly folks, sometimes just seeing some growth in yourself such as this is enough to feel proud of yourself. NEVER FORGET to recognize your growth and achievements no matter how small you think they are. We are always evolving and thus far i think that is literally the key to life.

SO NOW we get to the good shit👏🏽WTF are my resolutions or whatever???

In truth, I’m very proud as they are really realistic and tangible things. When making your resolution list (if you are someone who does this whether its written or mentally noted), MAKE 100% SURE they are things you can realistically accomplish. My blog was on my list for 2022 and check it out YOU are reading MY words! 🤪 

Here are 5 real items from my list that I chose after reflecting on my year: 

1 Get my EMT certification 

2 take a self defense class

3 start my Spanish classes 

4 learn to not lash out when struggling emotionally 

5 start new creative project

Now this isn’t my full list, some of the other sh*t is aligned with emotional & spiritual growth but here’s the thing. Taking hold of tangible goals and working to bring them to fruition will allow you to grow naturally. As we overcome obstacles and do things, we create space for learning and growth (as I discuss in previous posts), 2022 has confirmed this for me more than any other year of life. DO NOT GIVE UP. Yes, its corny but our goals, strengths, ideas, and gifts give us purpose for each year, each day and each moment. We are here and we are now. Our goals and resolutions, our tomorrow….it all matters, regardless of how f*cking dumb the world is acting (throwback moment to the Will Smith bitchslap making national news only to be followed by the Roe v Wade global DISASTER….you KNOW i could pull a million trillion other examples🙄).

In closing, I want to say THANK YOU💖 Thank you for my readers, my supporters and my listeners. Y’all give me hope and strength, you give me purpose to keep writing my heart out and I am forever grateful for this platform to be me, who I truly am. SO I challenge you my readers to raise your wine, sprite, non-alcoholic beer, kombucha or ice water to 2023. Maybe we make this year our b*tch because we could seriously use just a really f*cking good solid ass year.

Going into 2023 with dirty sock energy🤡

Posted in lost, motivation, peace, planning, youth

Nose dive…? Jump? Idk I can’t smell shit.

Posted on by tjoroski

Allergy szn b*tchesssss!! In a dramatic turn of events, I am channeling my PA program rejections (4 out, 4 to go) into proactive energy working at at karaoke bar making significantly less money!!! Yay!!!! Who knew. Life has been this: applied for schools, left my BULLSH*T medical assistant job, was denied unemployment benefits, anddddd became a hostess ayeeeeee…

It’s been land of the lost, limbo narnia, unsure nation 2.0… BUT I do have a new addiction called “DoorDashing.” LOL. Literally it is saving my ass and paying my credit card minimums 10/10 recommend (Instacart can suck a d*ck). SO YEAH, here we are a month shy of me losing my parents insurance benefits for good and here I am sniffling as the leaves change, checking IDs and trying not to eat my weight in free chicken nuggets. It’s definitely spooky season bc I’m scared lol.

It’s been a trying time of accepting the present moment and trying my best to find peace WITHIN IT AHHH *practice what you preach.* So, ya know I’ve had time to process things that have happened while being 25 years young. I’ve been able to walk my dog longer, catch up on tv, read a lil (like a tiny teeny bit), see my friends, manicure my man’s eyebrows, wash my hair more often etc. The silver lining here is time. Time doesn’t pay the bills but it is priceless. This period of my life is the much needed slow down I’ve been desperate for.

Moving forward I feel this: my right now moments lead into my tomorrow moments and everything can change at any moment. Things haven’t necessarily gone my way for a higher purpose, like annoying, but I get it. I mean I’ve been given the gift of time and sleep which is more than I’ve been able to have in awhile. I’m learning how to value myself in ways I didn’t recognize before. So friends, I raise my hard kombucha today for the good sake of tomorrow and what it will bring. I challenge you all to do the same!

She forgot her Gucci flip flops but time is on her side 😤

Posted in #yoga, Uncategorized

Real Talk: hot yoga changes lives

Posted on by tjoroski

“There is a space between stimulus and response. It is within this space that we find our growth.” Tonight I went to Hot Vinyasa Flow and this was the note our teacher ended on. There is so much value in this statement and I appreciate how relatable it feels without seeming like such a heavy cliche.

She could’ve said “we gRoW fRoM oUr mIsTaKeS” or something but instead she leaned into the realness behind an idea that is truly so simple. Stimulus could be so many different things for us. Response can look and feel like many different things. Yoga has inspired me to think about things with intention. Why am I doing this? Why am I feeling this? Why am I thinking about this? It’s 100% without a doubt a type of therapy session that your body & mind benefit from

In yoga we create intentions. Usually the teacher asks us to set our own intention for the practice but sometimes they set a collective intention for the whole class. Tonight’s intention was to “create space.” Space in our bodies and in our mind’s. Space for new growth and thought. Creating space can be really f*cking hard, especially when it feels like there’s only room for things like: working, studying, babysitting, dog walking, or over thinking etc…

Going to a place that takes me out of my current stressful environment literally brings me back to Earth and centers me. It might sound silly, but in a world that is constantly moving, going to a place where you’re grounded in one place is a lifesaver. I share this post with you all because I believe we could all benefit from a little yoga.

There’s nothing like stretching & sweating out our fears, worries, doubts, tequila, sativa, sadness or bad energy. If you’re reading this, then today I encourage you to find a way to make space. Space in your body for better air and energy to find it’s way in. Space in your mind to allow ease & peace to take over. Space in your routine to lay on the floor for a minute or cry a little bit. Just space–because it’s in this space that we find our growth.

Some downward dog for the blog