Posted in lost, peace, storytelling, youth

Pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters.

Embracing change can feel like hugging a cactus. Or perhaps it’s similar to taking cherry flavored cough syrup—it’s awful tasting, but you know you need it and that eventually it’ll make you feel better. 

Embracing change is one of those things that we essentially have no say in. So quite literally we either embrace it or make things entirely more difficult by avoiding it. 

Historically, I have been terrible at embracing change. I am usually afraid of the future and what I can’t control, it’s something I’ve been grappling with my whole life. When change happens I’m not always ready for it and I’m don’t always handle it well. However, when the storm passes and the change is simply ~happening~ to me…. I find that I’m actually, truly okay. Like the fear of it was wayyyy worse than the change itself. 

I feel like I am not alone in this either. I think we can all agree it’s reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllly difficult to understand that change is actually happening for the betterment of our own futures (or something wise like that idk). Change also manifests different for everyone. It hurts different, hits different, heals different for every single human. No two paths are alike.

Sometimes we forget that we ALL go through it, like we fail to realize we’re all navigating this chaos at the same time!!! I have many friends right now, all in their twenties and early thirties still scratching their heads asking “what went wrong here? How long until this is resolved? When will I feel better? Is it my fault?” The answer is WHO FUC*IN KNOWS. A wise man once said, “time will tell us everything we need to know.” That line has never been more true and encompasses every aspect of the struggle—the reality is there is no quick fix and change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a matter of l-e-t-t-i-n-g it happen naturally. You can’t force it, like a fart- if you force it, it’s probably shit (saw this on a magnet somewhere).

So friends, to all this I say— try your hardest to be like the ocean and move with the waves. Let your self be carried by the water into the good vibes ahead. No sense in fighting the current because you’ll just be struggling to keep your head above water. Remember to take those deep breaths, lean on your loved ones, eat that bagel, do that workout and watch that episode. Take care of yourselves and love yourself through it, that’s the only way.

My families dog- Jazzy💖 05/2011-10/3/2023. May she reign in doggy heaven forever ✨🐶🕊🤍 R.I.P

Posted in peace

Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice✨

Have you ever caught a glimpse of your own reflection and it made you stop and think for a sec? Maybe you thought, “wow I look great!” or “wow I look like sh*t” or maybe “man wtf am I doing??”… because I have. In fact it happened today as I was walking the dog in the rain.

I caught a glimpse of myself and it made me stop and stare. And I liked what I saw. I saw a girl trying to grow. Trying her best to grow and just let go. Let go of all things past, all things negative, all things that take away from my life. In this fall season that is my theme. I intend to release myself of old expectations and pain that has only held me back for ages. Kind of like a reptile or a invertebrate (ew thats the bio major talking lmao) I want to shed my old skin. To step out of that shell and feel new again.

I love fall because its a refresh, it brings to cooler weather and the rain. The leaves fall and the wind picks up. The colors are gorgeous and the vibes are unmatched. Its almost like new air from somewhere else has made its way here. All the way to me.

It helps with letting go–the fall season I mean. I guess its fair to say that I am changing as the seasons do. I am learning to feel myself again, unlearn bad habits and trust the way forward. Its not easy, definitely spooky, and a little bit rough. YET it doesnt have to be perfect or linear (nothing ever is), the only requirement is forward momentum.

Letting go of anything is a mother*cking art form. Its extremely uncomfortable and feels like when you have to set a bone after it breaks in a really awkward way. I am currently in the process of leaving behind some heavy, heavy emotions. Emotions and feelings that have run my life and have made my life exponentially harder than it needs to be. It has been hard to take chances, trust, explore, and just have a clear mind. I haven’t had a clear mind with no chitter chatter in the background in YEARS. I’ve been telling myself to shutup when what I really want is to tell myself is to “LET IT OUT B*TCH.”

Finding peace is honestly what we all want. Love and money would be nice yes, but just having peace to exist without so much DRAMA or anxiousness, doubt or FEAR!? Yeah that would be f*cking great. So that is my current mission this fall season. Finding peace by letting go of ALL OF IT.

So cheers friends, I encourage you to find your mission this season, keep the promises you make to yourself and never forget if it doesnt work today, there’s always tomorrow.

xoxo,

Trin ☕️🍂

I AM THE APPLE OF MY OWN EYE DAMMIT💋😉🍎

Posted in lost, peace, planning, youth

“Hate It Or Love It”

This is arguably by far the hardest, most challenging, uprooting, beautiful, heavy and confusing year of my life. I can say with UTTER and complete confidence that I have no f*cking idea what is going on. I am 26. Just 26 years young and 100% agree with the idea that your twenties are a hot train wreck from hell. There are so many silver linings and miracles within our youth. I have been blessed to the nines with some of the people I have met and the places I have been, yet there is this counter balance. This weight that is wrapped around your ankles, pulling you down. I am in this crazy space where I am free yet so stuck. Like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but the tunnel is so damn long that I just keep running. Sweating, out of breath, thirsty, in pain. 

This year my heart broke. This year my car broke (literally got into my second accident totaling my car once again). This year I went to Europe and fell in love with a new city. This year I got lost and not a single google maps search could save me from not knowing where my future lies. This year I realized my past stole from me— my money, my time and my love. 

I am going to be 27 in November and Im f*cking terrified. Who will I meet? Where will I go? Can I afford to go there? Will my heart become whole again? Will I finally stop crying?? (LOL never). I just have no clue which way is up these days. I don’t know who’s right and who’s wrong. Ive never been so unsure in my entire life. 

But you know what—I’m here. I’m here to find out. Everyday is the exact same but different. Everyday I wake up, anything can happen. I could run into 50 cent at the grocery store. I could win a cereal box sweepstakes. Maybe someone will discover me and I’ll become a famous blogger. Quite literally the world is my OYSTER (and I like oysters). So yes, I have been on the ride of my damn life, doing my best to stay positive and “keep my head up.” UGH can we be more original please!?

SO many questions, unanswered. ZERO sense of direction. No comprehension -anymore- of what I wanna be when I grow up. Sometimes I feel like I’m even going backwards and everyone else is moving forward past me. AND I KNOW  how this sounds. This is literally my thoughts, my brain IS this blog. I write to stay alive. I write to feel strong. To connect, to stay grounded in something when everything else is just non existent or falling apart. And to be clear, this isn’t an invitation for sympathy. This is my platform to be me and all are welcome here. Plus I KNOW you people have shit you’re going through. We ALL do for f*cks sake. 

With that being said though, I’m here. Im a person, a human. I write love letters to you and to myself with this blog. You’re not alone on this sinking ship. Lets keep bailing water out of this b*tch before *insert tasteless joke about millionaires and the deep sea*

xoxo

Trinity

Posted in lost, motivation, peace, planning, storytelling, youth

CALL 911 IM TRYING SOMETHING NEW

Yo yo yo!!!! It’s ya girl back with a new episode of “WTF IS SHE DOING WITH HER LIFE” 🙂

So yes. Here we go. I am officially an Emergency Medical Technician student! I am so stoked. I decided to hit pause on getting my masters as a Physician Assistant and get more experience learning and hopefully doing some dope and crazy sh*t!!! I’m a little nervous but I know it’s the right thing because for some odd reason I am DRAWN TO THE CHAOS and I wanna help.

The thing is: this is the first time in over a year where I feel genuinely confident that I am 1000% where I am supposed to be. It doesn’t feel like a waste of time and I am so eager to learn. Ya know when you do something and it just feels right? Like nothing in your body is telling you otherwise. It’s a good feeling and I’ll admit it’s a foreign one too. I am a firm believer in working the system until you find the right fit. As an adult, I’ve always known that healthcare is for me, but I’ve had SO MANY jobs that didn’t feel “right” and this new adventure FINALLY feels correct like it clicked.

I would also like to point out that working with like minded people is such a valuable thing. Everyone in my class is a little cray cray because not only do we wanna be front line, we actually find joy in chaotic places where we feel we can make an actual difference. If you follow my blog, you know I have had a lot of ups and downs in my career/job life so writing this now is quite a revelation for me LOL.

The main reason I wanted to share my news with you all is because I have learned that No matter what, no matter how f*cking CORNY it sounds…DO NOT GIVE UP. Not on yourself, not on your dreams, not on your gut feelings etc. stick to it baby. What you put it is what you get out. You are the one that will take yourself to new heights but only if you actually BELIEVE you can reach them. I know I know it sounds lowkey stupid lol but take it from a b*tch who hasn’t had the most clear and direct/easy path to where she is now. It’s been one hell of a ride and it’s honestly just starting. Maybe in 3 years I’ll be a medic overseas makin’ dough, saving lives and sippin margs (off duty of course). IDK BUT I BELIEVE IT B*TCH.

So with this I say: visualize it. Breathe it. Even if you aren’t sure wtf is going on. Pick a feeling and roll with it like the damn tides babe. If you’re like “hmmm idk I like teaching and I like yoga and I like warm weather” then maybe try yoga teaching. If you love animals and like talking a lot then go hang out at the zoo and look at their job openings idk. But understand this: there are options and there is a pathway. This blog is for those of us who have had a rough go at finding it… but sis… it’s f*cking there you just have to go get it!

Wear green and share this post 10 times and you’ll be rich by next Wednesday.

Posted in lost, motivation, peace, planning, youth

Nose dive…? Jump? Idk I can’t smell shit.

Allergy szn b*tchesssss!! In a dramatic turn of events, I am channeling my PA program rejections (4 out, 4 to go) into proactive energy working at at karaoke bar making significantly less money!!! Yay!!!! Who knew. Life has been this: applied for schools, left my BULLSH*T medical assistant job, was denied unemployment benefits, anddddd became a hostess ayeeeeee…

It’s been land of the lost, limbo narnia, unsure nation 2.0… BUT I do have a new addiction called “DoorDashing.” LOL. Literally it is saving my ass and paying my credit card minimums 10/10 recommend (Instacart can suck a d*ck). SO YEAH, here we are a month shy of me losing my parents insurance benefits for good and here I am sniffling as the leaves change, checking IDs and trying not to eat my weight in free chicken nuggets. It’s definitely spooky season bc I’m scared lol.

It’s been a trying time of accepting the present moment and trying my best to find peace WITHIN IT AHHH *practice what you preach.* So, ya know I’ve had time to process things that have happened while being 25 years young. I’ve been able to walk my dog longer, catch up on tv, read a lil (like a tiny teeny bit), see my friends, manicure my man’s eyebrows, wash my hair more often etc. The silver lining here is time. Time doesn’t pay the bills but it is priceless. This period of my life is the much needed slow down I’ve been desperate for.

Moving forward I feel this: my right now moments lead into my tomorrow moments and everything can change at any moment. Things haven’t necessarily gone my way for a higher purpose, like annoying, but I get it. I mean I’ve been given the gift of time and sleep which is more than I’ve been able to have in awhile. I’m learning how to value myself in ways I didn’t recognize before. So friends, I raise my hard kombucha today for the good sake of tomorrow and what it will bring. I challenge you all to do the same!

She forgot her Gucci flip flops but time is on her side 😤

Posted in peace, youth

That Inner Peace tho

Chaos. What is it?

Its trouble, pain, stress, hardship, worry, fear, trauma, damage, confusion. It’s where I feel most lost. And it’s happening nearly all the time.

BUT. Theres that in-between space. Where there’s air to breathe. When my footsteps don’t feel as heavy. When I get my jacket caught on a door handle yet I don’t feel like punching a wall or getting red in the face. It’s those moments where I notice more little things, like people holding hands, or birds chirping. Today I didn’t order coffee to survive, I ordered coffee for FUN. I got a hot Americano with half & half and honey lavender syrup. I MEAN thank GAWD for the days we can splurge on some organic honey lavender syrup.

Lately, I’ve been feeling a weird mix of gratefulness and guilt. Grateful I can wake up safe, warm with a roof over my head but also guilty that our world is suffering all over the globe. So when I notice my inner peace and really feel the calm..I take note. I bask in it. I breathe it in. Inhale the good shit exhale the bullshit type deal. Our inner peace is of the UTMOST importance. It’s what keeps us alive. Without our good moments with ourselves and others, what do we have?

I challenge anyone reading this post to take note and think for a moment about a good thing that happened to you recently. Whether it be finding $5 on the floor or someone hot smiled at you. Maybe you cleaned your house and found an old relic or your dog finally did that new trick. Maybe you got that shift covered or you notice the sun shining into your room in just the most perfect way like an urban outfitters ad.

Notice your inner peace. Roll around in it, inhale, exhale. Because in a world that feels like constant chaos, our inner peace and the good energy we manifest through it, is unmatched.

kisses baby