Posted in dance, motivation, youth

Yo DJ Play My Song

YOOOOO! Big news. Just arrived at manifestation station. Im moving!.. to a different part of town LOL.

I literally stood in the center of my 5×5 apartment and literally felt the ick. I was cringing and overwhelmed about how much sh*t I have. But thats when I realized, “oh wait, I dont have that much sh*t, my apartment is just suited for someone who doesnt dream of a walk in closet with a table and chairs.” TBH Its been a long time coming. Three years in a downtown metro, three years of bums at my door, no peephole and a peeping tom neighbor. Thats a long f*cking time to have no dishwasher and praying I make it back from the basement every time I wash my d e l i c a t e s for $1.75 in communo washer/dryer🤮.

I am the type of person who gets uncomfortable with something and then wants to change it instantaneously. A GO GETTER? if you will lmao. I cannot stand in one space for too long looking at the same thing or doing the same things whether it be mentally, emotionally or physically. Thats why Ive lived in many places and had so many jobs (well that and the fact my managers have been nothing short of bullsh*t). Its why I like medicine bc it can be LOCA but Im down for the ride. So even though Ive been at my place for about 3 (thousand) years, Im always on the hunt ready for my next “thing.”

I will say tho, Im proud of myself ya know? It takes a lot as a young, stupid, adult to MOVE. I mean over the years Ive had to learn what a change of address is and how your billing address is connected to your debit card and if you dont change that when you move then your bills get f*cked. OR OR OR how you need renters insurance and an electric company for power and wifi and *heavy breathing*

Im also working on finding a new…j o b…..LOLOLOL. Yes again.. I just. I cant..idk. Like finding a new job and place to enjoy before PA school (should I even get in šŸ¤žšŸ¼), seems crazy no? But then again, its literally MY journey. I will change anything and everything I want to for however long if it makes ME happy. We are truly the cReAtOrS oF oUr OwN dEsTiNyšŸ˜‚ but fr fr I want a better quality of life so, b*tch you had best believe Im gonna GO GET IT………. regardless of how broke I might be later.

Its entirely a leap of faith as most things are. But if we cant trust ourselves and take risks, then WTF are we even doing? So if you need a change and youre worried, anxious, scared, night sweats, ugly crying, hyperventilating then SIS take it from me: when you take charge and play your song, marching to the beat of your own drum… the risk is WORTH THE REWARD. I mean damn now I can save $2 on laundry.

Green Screens amiright
Posted in lost, peace, youth

Lets Get Lost

Have you ever stared out into the ocean, like wayyyy out onto the horizon and thought, “what the f*ck is out there?”…probably more ocean lol but it feels and looks so mysterious. Like if I was lost at sea for an hour, that would be ok ya know?

Getting lost can be amazing (or a nightmare), but these days between SCOTUS starring in Black Mirror and MGK + Megan Fox running the world, getting lost kinda sounds nice…bc it would hopefully be anywhere but here right?

Sometimes I get lost in thought, which can SUCK if it has anything to do with my work, school applications (yes I did apply omg post on that later), or my spending tendencie$. BUT sometimes its cool and I don’t even realize it until it’s over. Im writing this blog post on getting lost in thoughts or moments, bc with every headline or deadline, I find myself LONGING for literally any kind of positive distraction. Sh*t, sometimes Ill be doing the damn dishes for 20 minutes thinking about how Selena Gomez has been a low-key star just doing her thing not annoying anybody vs Britney who has all her concerning Instagram dance videos (don’t come for me). When I’m done with the dishes I think “oh that was nice! Time to stress out about literally everything! What else can I clean???????”

Just yesterday I was looking for seashells. Searching for colors, shapes, bit and pieces etc. It was so fun, I felt like a kid with no responsibility or demands. Literally just feeling like all I had to do was focus on finding shells. It was honestly therapeutic. I didn’t think about work, school, money, not even lunch lol. When I got out of the water, I felt a sense of gratitude and appreciation for the fact that I could even get so distracted.

Connecting to our ramblings and distractions and finding peace in them, is a gift tbh. So next time that you get lost in your thoughts or small actions, whether it be cleaning the shower and singing to Dua Lipa or walking in the forest somewhere listening to bird calls and insects, make sure to say thank you. Say thanks to you, for your ability to think about random sh*t.

Cock on the beach
Posted in motivation, peace, youth

Don’t. Forget. To. Do. Things.

Messy, messy, messy. That’s been the overarching theme of these past few months. COVID cases rising, women’s rights plummeting, people shooting guns into oblivion, work-life balance teetering on the edge of destruction. Blah, blah, blah.

So much time for insanity & stress, so little time for peace and ā€œself care.ā€ In my recent post I shared my challenge of making myself NOT check the news everyday. It’s actually worked (besides the major stories that squeeze there way into my day). I am ever so slightly less on edge than I was before. BUT my ticket to bits and pieces of peaceful moments is not just coffee breaks and a zero-news policy—it’s actually what I call mindful wellness. And yeah, if life allows for this so called mindful wellness, then you take that shit and R U N with it. Here’s why.

Some of you are like ā€œwtf is that I mean yeah I drink water and sleep sometimes and that’s what I call good health.ā€ Others are like ā€œyes sis I zen out all the time just child’s pose and chill.ā€ WELL, mindful wellness to me is when somehow some way, I am able to create space to do something for myself that a) pushes my comfort boundaries like trying something new b) schedule an appointment for something that brings me physical relief or c) make time for ANYTHING that brings me joy (Nordstrom rack stroll, coffee shop trip, painting my toes or blasting J-Lo’s Jenny from the Block).

My real life example is something I’ve picked up recently. Once a week, I go to beginning/intermediate hip hop dance choreography and dance my heart out. I’m no professional by any means and the only other dance I’ve done is as a kid until I was like 6. But for some reason, this shit unlocks my soul and I feel so elated. I’ve always said that in my past life or if I were to be reincarnated, I would be a talented back up dancer to someone famous. This time and space that I create, this one hour of dancing and learning something new, brings me so much joy.

In a world that tries to steal ALL our joy- we must take it back. Take back that space and time. Find a way if you can. Plan ahead. Take a day, an hour, even 20 minutes to choose something (walking, dancing, reading, Pilates, yoga, that tv series that airs new episodes once a week, cooking etc). Anything that feels like soul food—EAT IT. It’s SO important to choose yourself in ways that make you feel happy, special, cared for.

Y’all we are more than our jobs, more than our relationships, more than our paychecks. We often forget that there’s more to our lives and sometimes we have to change our routine to account for something more than work, school, sleep, repeat or whatever it is that you usually do. So YEAH, mindful wellness is key fam. DON’T forget to do thingsšŸ‘šŸ¼

Mindful Donuts
Posted in peace, youth

“Mid Year Resolutions”

Happy almost-middle-of-the-f*cking-year everyone!

My gawd. What the hell happened. April is that weird month between cold and warm where no one really knows if they should wear a jacket or not? Like freezing when you walk out the house but 10 minutes in your sweaty and frustrated. Yay!

Anyways, this post comes after the ‘sunday scaries’ hit me. At work. Lmao I work Sundays so it just sucks. BUT, truly I got to thinking. I made a new commitment to myself. A mid year resolution if you will. I vow to stay away from actively checking the news. Like seeking out stories, listening to news podcasts or constantly refreshing Yahoo News for weird click-baity bullshit. Literally though, today was weird. On a Sunday morning, I read about Ukraine still blowing up, Portlands’ 473485348975th shooting this year already, someone’s car being stolen in my neighborhood (again), etc..the list goes on. ALL before noon like wtf.

Its one of those things that can really affect you. I feel like I exist in a constant state of low grade anxiousness and paranoia. Life, the world, people…all so unpredictable. No day is the same- in both good and bad ways. One day it’s amazing news like the Supreme Court Justice being a black woman or Portland having a 5 day sunny streak. The next day its a double homicide with a side of rain. I. CaNt. DeAl.

I have to constantly try to disassociate myself from the negative shit. ITS LITERALLY EVERYWHERE. Facebook, Insta, snapchat, TV, magazines, c a b l e, other people..even unsolicited when it pops up on my phone or computer when I don’t want it. It brings me down, seriously I get freaked out and wish I could wrap the people, places and animals I love in bubble wrap. I have to take a breath and focus in on the reality of where I am and what Im doing. Remaining present helps, but then I also spam text everyone I know and care about to make sure they’re fine so that I can continue my day.

Everyone leans on different things. I blog, I pray, I watch TV (have to be careful bc I like dramatic shows but that doesn’t always tie in well with avoiding negative shit), go to yoga, focus on work, FaceTime my people, walk my dog. All the things that make me happy. I, and by I, I mean WE as people cannot live in fear for we will stop living altogether if that happens. BUT we remain vigilant AND as present as we can. Be smart, be tough but don’t forget to enjoy. Enjoy the reasons we find life worth living like fr because that sh*t is important.

I speak a lot on inner peace. I believe that our inner peace allows us to be good people in this world of chaos. Well I can’t be a peaceful b*tch when the world seems to be falling apart??? SO if anyone reading this can relate in any way, I challenge you to join me in committing to no news for awhile. The news will always be there, both good and things will happen, and if the news is big enough then we’ll find out anyways BUT for now, focus on the good shit and exhale- or just don’t read- that bullshit.

Soaking up some good news.

Posted in Self Defense

GORGEOUS GORGEOUS GIRLS NEED ADDED SECURITY

YALL. I already wrote today but I am compelled. I am super passionate about one thing and one thing only. WIDGETS THAT PROVIDE B*TCHES WITH MORE SAFETY.

I have an issue with hearing the same shit day in and day out. Stories about being kidnapped, hurt, belittled, attacked and so much worse. Self-identifying women and girls literally LIVE their lives looking over their shoulder and its the most gut wrenching feeling when looking over our shoulders is justified by some bullshit. Bullshit meaning: walking to our cars at night (or during broad daylight bc these motherf*ckers don’t care) while keeping an eye on the weirdo a few cars away, or quickly trying to get the key into the damn door ASAP because a sus looking dude passed us on the street a few minutes ago. ITS EXHAUSTING and SADLY NECESSARY.

Anyways I wanted to talk about my widgets and PLUG YALL. These days people (usually f*ucked up men) feel its their GOD given right to f*uck with us women and girls (sorry for the profanity but this is no joke). SO that being said I have TAKEN UP ARMS in all widget forms and I’ll address them plus include links below.

#1) THE MASTER LOCK 265D Door Security Bar

My apartment is 26327234 years old and for some reason the ancient people who put in my door decided I was one of the lucky few that don’t deserve a peep hole. AND YES I have had instances where a peep hole would have been the most ideal. Like when its 2am and you hear strange noises right outside your door and you are mapping out how to exit down your 26327234 year old fire escape. This thing is gold. I saw it on tik tok and it makes me feel so much more secure. Just adjust it and pop it under the door handle and BOOM automatically upgrade to fortress level apartment!!

Click the pics below each paragraph and CHECK THIS SH*T OUT!

#2) Keychain for Women “Solid Full Stainless Steel Key Chain Pen shape”

This is another FAVE. It’s just an example of another one I have that is similar. My mom bought a pack and I copped a blue one. These bad boys will take an eye out. I literally have one on my car keys and although previously mistaken for a sex toy, this poker will do major damage (and not the good kind).

**this is the kind i have, sharp on the bottom, etsy has some too!**

#3) LADIES AND GENTLEMAN: PEPPER SPRAY! Duh.

It’s kind weird that we normalize women carrying pepper spray. Like think about it. We get cute colors to match our keys or cars, there’s glittery cases and fancy carriers for these. BUT ITS NOT CUTE. WTF. Like being 14 and handed pepper spray by my mom who told me to point and spray if some dick got too close. Years later here we are still carrying. Finally bought a new one though, if you know you know, that shit expires like mascara but do we upgrade as often as we should? NO lol so here’s you’re sign to get some new pepper spray sis!

#4) BRASS KNUCKELS? KINDA!

These are hard to come by. Amazon doesn’t really offer them so I plugged a link to a product that has a little bit of all the widgets in one which is dope. Basically this product goes on your fingers and acts like a jabber to poke MFs who try to poke you. I’ve had mine for years and although its small, it’s something better than your damn keys between your knuckles.

*this is what i have*

#5) LASTLY: The one and only TASER. 10/10 recommend.

ZAP, fry, and scare creeps all at the same time. Some of these even have a built in alarm or light. Definitely recommend grabbing one of these. Just the sound of the taser could be enough to scare someone off. I like this one because similar to pepper spray, you don’t have to be up on the person to scare them. Threats often don’t mess with you unless you make an easy target (so unfortunate but true) so we have to be in the business of making it hard as hell. This one has amazing reviews and is small enough to pop in your bag. I am definitely a fan!

…….AND THERE YOU HAVE IT GORGEOUS GORGEOUS GIRLS. I literally have at least 2/5 of these with me 100% of the time because living with my head on a swivel gets f*cking old. This is our reality and it’s not our fault, yet we have to go to battle every day against this insane narrative that leaving our homes puts us risk for GOD knows what. Well f*ck that. You screw with me I’ll tase your balls off!