In between outgrowing what I knew and where I’m going.
Realizing that being at war with yourself is a fight that can’t be won.
Understanding that relationships deepen but get more complicated as we age.
28 is making peace with what I don’t know. Accepting that the price of my new self is my old self.
You can’t outgrow what you don’t let go of.
I’m not in the bittersweet wanderlust of my early to mid twenties, yet not quite made it to the fresh start of my thirties.
Praying the world gives us the grace to grow.
Some of us are drinkin, smokin, getting high. Some hanging on by a thread seeking light and strength wherever we can find it. Some buying houses, having babies, getting married. Others on a lonely adventure exploring life’s unpredictability.
28 is being stained by what we have uncovered about ourselves and the reality of our world… but continuing to soldier on. Doing it scared. Taking risks to keep moving because we either swim or die.
28 is having discovered what we don’t like.
It’s about knowing more about our morals and what we stand on more than ever before.
It’s having just a little more clarity about life than we did when we were 26.
We made it past the 27 club.
28 is great because the world takes us slightly more seriously. We’re not “babies” but we’re not old enough to have the answers.
28 is like being the oldest sibling. People look to you as if you’re gonna know what to do, and we fake it as if we do.
28 is my favorite year of life. Not because I have more wisdom inside me and certain failures behind me.
I love it because with this little bit of life I know, I actually believe in something. I have achieved enough, lived long enough and worked hard enough to finally believe in myself.
I wonder what 29 will bring.
xoxo,
T
“Are you a hot person feeling down and depressed?”
My coffee tastes gross. Not enough creamer… too much water? Maybe this half-calf mushroom infused brew wasn’t the best idea, but I love the concept…so I’ll roll with it. Even though I’m not a huge fan, I love it. I love having coffee..even bad coffee. I love drinking bad coffee at work mid morning on a Thursday. I love it because of one reason: I can. I can have it. I can hate it. I have the opportunity to drink bad coffee on a Thursday at my wild job that pays me. That paycheck gives me my home, my food, my clothes. My home gives me space to exist imperfectly as I am.
We had a patient come into the clinic recently with quite an extraordinarily sad story. He had just recently lost his adult daughter to a sudden death and he lost his wife 18 months prior. I don’t tell you this to feel sorry, it is indeed horrific so empathy is natural. I am recalling this information for my blog because we as humans are often so caught up in the noise of our lives, we forget the reality of our human condition: we are human. Complex, ridiculous, silly, lovable, sometimes hate-able, ungrateful, wise, excitable, messy, beautiful people. One of the particular privileges of working in medicine is bearing witness to the human condition in a very vulnerable way. Most often, patients don’t want to be patients. So relinquishing control and allowing healthcare professionals to help is a special, intimate part of the medical world. When this intimacy unfolds, I often find one thing happens across the board– people just want to be heard and they just want to feel safe. So when I hear stories from folks similar to that of my patient, I am immediately humbled. It’s a challenge not to feel shameful or guilty for having anxieties, fears, or doubts about trivial aspects of life. A very large part of why I love my work in medicine is because I receive a daily invitation to remember my humility and the value of surrender.
Surrender has been a very large theme in my life as of late. I am learning quite a bit about being a sponge and absorbing the soapy crusty bits and pieces that life has to offer me. My patients are often in their 70s, 80s, 90s and even 100s!! I can’t help but pick their experienced brains and ask for advice. I often hear a lot of the same answers.
“Smile often. Just try to make the most of it.”
“Don’t ever take anything too serious!”
“You only get one life.”
“Eat chocolate. Drink wine. That’s how I made it to 105.”
“I’ll move until I can’t move anymore!”
“Don’t try to win ’em. There’s no point” (reference to arguing or picking battles)
“Just have fun.”
“We’re not perfect. Don’t try to be.”
Each encounter is a love letter. A gentle reminder that life is fluid, with a shit ton of ups and downs. When I hear stories that make me sad, it’s a harsh reminder that life is also short and fragile. It’s been an odd road–that of recognizing that all we’re guaranteed is the present moment. However, I am grateful. Grateful that I can recognize this. Grateful for the sweet sensation of surrender and the freedom that comes from not swimming upstream.
It’s not easy though. I’m still learning. There is also privilege in outwardly acknowledging surrender when something horrible isn’t happening, that is not lost on me. Especially in today’s climate where many of us are fighting for survival and surrender doesn’t even feel like an option.
When I think of surrender, I think of a complex river. There have been many times where I have been like a boulder in the middle, heavy and holding on for dear life. I feel like I just discovered a secret that somehow everyone else knew and I am just finding out. Like knowing to surrender and be present was a gift everyone received except me because I was absent that day. Practicing gratitude is a big part of what I try to practice on a daily basis, but I found out that it is a lot harder to receive if you can’t surrender and trust that things will be what they will be. It’s also important to note that there is wisdom in not trying to make something be what it simply isn’t.
So friends, my challenge to you is this. Find the good in your day today and take a small moment for gratitude—be grateful for your lame sandwich at lunch, the coffee that went cold, your mismatched socks, the ants in your kitchen, rain in the sky, the greeting from your pet, the book you are “almost finished with”… the list goes on. Human experience gives us good days and bad days. Both are real and exist, but it’s the bad days that remind us why the good days are good.
Change. Is it the jingly jangly shit in my pocket? Is it the random time between Winter and Spring? Or perhaps change is when I switch up my workout routine, get a 0.000001% raise or try a vegetarian diet for 3.25 months. I’ve written about change before and how accepting it has historically been challenging for me. That was a few years ago. Now, after I’ve undergone the most change I’ve experienced in life, here’s what I have to say: CHANGE CAN BE A CHOICE (if we choose it back).
Still with me? I’ll explain. It’s been some time since I have written a creative piece such as this. That’s because I spent the last *however many months* riding the f*cking tidal wave of life and my surfboard was a really sturdy toothpick. We all know this wave quite intimately, and when the wave crashes on the shore, the change hits. It can be incredible, amazing, “just-what-I-needed” redirecting change. Or perhaps it’s awful, life-altering, destructible change. Hell, it could be small but just as impactful as a fender bender or catching a bad flu that uses the only sick time you have left. Either way change is change but it is a choice and here’s why. We either change with it, or we don’t. When we choose to surf, we ~become~ the change (imagine the Smucker’s Goober PB and Jelly swirl spread). The change then becomes agreeable even when it’s awful because we adapt to it. When we embrace it or accept it (maybe after some time), the change becomes our new normal, our new life. Don’t get me wrong, in my experience, embracing change is the dumbest thing to be told. I hate hearing it. Even if I know logically that this annoying statement also doubles as a golden rule, (especially since we often wouldn’t know positive redirection if it slapped us in the face with a spatula) I still make a weird face when I hear it or see it.
These past 6-8 months have changed my perspective on change and how EmBrAcInG iT or whatever might actually benefit me?? That is because I knew change was coming (which didn’t feel like a choice), I refused to believe it or change with it for a little while, but when I realized that I was choosing to suffer, I took a step back and thought about it a little harder. After some emotional *adjusting* :’) I thought “hmm, maybe if I take it upon myself to move with the current, I might not drown.” Andddddddd that’s what I did. I began to shift my view of the world to what was within my realm of control: my thoughts, how I process my emotions and what I choose to do or not do (shoutout Mel Robbins Author of the Let Them Theory–groundbreaking book). Understanding what I could control HELPED me exponentially in understanding my choices when change arrives at my doorstep. I was able to relinquish control of the thoughts and fears that were holding me back. I wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t linear and it is still an ongoing journey, but it permanently altered my brain chemistry for the better.
Maybe all this makes sense, maybe it doesn’t. What I do know is this– change comes in all different shapes, sizes, colors, smells, vibes…and it’s going to happen whether we like it or not. It is then within OUR realm of power to release what we’re trying to control and move with the change, not against it. WAYYYY easier said than done, I know. BUT! Friends, my challenge to you is this: next time you are experiencing change of any kind–bear in mind what might help you so that you don’t keep getting in your own way. Recognize what you can change and what you can’t, don’t give your power away to a situation you have no power over and then take it back for yourself. THAT is how you surf. It’s not about being okay with all the change or the situation, it’s about self preservation so you can rise again, stronger than ever before.
xoxo,
Trin 💖
“Tell me to embrace change one more f*cking time I’m gonna lose my sh*t”
As this year comes to a close, it’s that wonderful (annoying but necessary) time to reflect on this past year. To dive in and think about the delulu and beautiful moments that made this year another one to remember. The holidays are funny because they can also bring on emotions and feelings that are either really incredible or really f*cking awful. For some, this may be the best Christmas/Holiday season to date while for others it could be the worst possible time to celebrate family and togetherness. Then there is the middle ground, the happy holiday gray area that lingers like a cloud. In between all the holly, jolly, candy cane cheer and bahumbug energy, there’s us. People living lives and being people. The people are peopling. And we happened to people ourselves all the way to 2025.
This past year has been a roller coaster bringing the absolute best and worst out of me. I learned a great deal of stuff and embarked on many new journeys (physically, spiritually, emotionally). I forgot who I am, remembered, forgot again and now I’m acknowledging my truths and embracing who I am more than ever before. I went from being scared of my alone time to now feeling immense gratitude for it. My career path switched then switched again (*shocked gasp*), but this time I landed somewhere true to myself. The lessons from this year will stay with me the rest of my life, some might even say that this year has been the most important of my life thus far. For example, I learned that people who are meant to stay in your life will stay and those who aren’t will fade into the background. I learned that I like reading more than I previously thought and that I don’t have to dye my hair a different color to embrace change in my life. I have worked to prioritize myself, being the main character of my own story. I also learned that living in truth and following your heart is the only way to true joy. Trust is the true pillar of all things and without love in this world, we have nothing. One of the greatest takeaways of this year however, is learning the immense value in being present. Truly letting go of things that don’t serve us anymore, making room for what is. Connecting with our present moment and engaging with the people in our lives as who they are now…THAT is a mother*cking gift.
Life is a never ending cluster f*ck of growth, change, misery, love, joy, sadness, fun etc. It’s like the Airhead mystery flavor where you’re pretty sure it’s one thing but you never actually know what it is, you just eat it anyways. By the time we reach the holiday season, there’s an energy of “f*ckin hell we did it guys!” Believe it or not, we all live in this same winter wonderland disaster zone together so while Christmas and the holidays celebrates many things, I also like to think of it as a party we all throw to commemorate another year where we either thrived or just survived. This holiday season looks a little different for me as not all my family will be together this time and my heart is across the globe, but I have so much to be thankful for that any complaints are out of the question. So my friends, as you make your resolution list, give yourself a pat on the back and do yourself a favor, write “learn to make bolognese and play bridge” instead of “understand the limitations I place on myself by not processing my emotions,” because Lord knows that life will teach you lessons whether you write it down or not (period).
Have a merry, holly jolly, sugarplum fairy, joyful, chill, awesome, delicious, stress-free holiday szn everyone (Godspeed) and a very happy f*cking new year! This one is gonna be good, seriously I can feel it in my bones!!
Sitting with it sucks. It’s confusing, it can hurt and it can be daunting. Sometimes it’s funny or lighthearted, maybe even a little ridiculous. Feelings sometimes run away from you and you seem to be overthinking while chasing them down forever. They’re stubborn and annoying, especially when everyone says you just have to “feel them.” Maybe I don’t want to feel my feelings today, does what mean I have to feel them tomorrow?
I’ve heard people say that feelings are like a guide, aggressively cutting away at the thick jungle brush as they seemingly know the way through, even though it all looks the same to you. This guide is supposedly going to show you to the open field where all the answers are waiting to reveal themselves to you. Yet, the more I walk, run or sit with my feelings, the farther away clarity seems to be.
That’s why my best friend and my greatest enemy are the same thing: time. With time (again as these mystery people say), all wounds heal. All things move forward and life goes on. It is with time that the field full of answers starts to bloom and you see what is meant for you to see. I find that this is the hardest part, waiting for time to do its damn job while I sit with my feelings. This is where the discomfort and discouragement creeps in. It is at this pivotal point where I have to remember that time is on my side, and that she only wants to help.
My other friend hope, visits me too. While I sit with my feelings, she tries to push me over this hill that I have decided to sit and stay atop of. As time goes on and the sitting happens and hope intervenes, it slowly gets better. I try to accept that I don’t always know what to do with my feelings either, like maybe that voice in my head barking orders like a broken record isn’t always right. Sometimes the best way to sit with your thoughts and feelings isn’t sitting at all. Perhaps the best way to follow that overgrown path through the jungle is to get up, put on your hiking boots and start cutting away at the thick brush too—trusting that no matter how overgrown the jungle might be, the clearing will always be there.
Real look at what the inside of my brain looks like.
My coffee is lukewarm and my hands are cramping. I feel a sense of excitement but also fatigue as I think about this. My writing.
My journey has been interesting as I have found myself to be consistently inconsistent in my work, my relationships and my endeavors. Maybe that makes me rich, but perhaps it makes me poor. I began in the traditional sense being told that after highschool, college is my only option to secure everything I want in life. I don’t blame my parents, they were only trying to do their best just like the rest of us.
I moved to Portland at 18 by myself and chose biology as my field to study. I only chose this because of Mr Boyd, my high school physiology 101 teacher. I remember that he made it fun, that he showed us how biology on a cellular level and what made humans work could actually be so fascinating. His class was my favorite.
So with my science major I accepted the terms and conditions of collegiate pain and suffering that came with a STEM field of study. In some ways it was badass, honorable and daring. In other ways it was idiotic, rageful and painstakingly challenging. Nonetheless, it was mine and after 4.5 years I graduated with an Honors College biology degree and a minor in community health (whatever that means).
The only reasonable thing to do with this degree was move into the healthcare space, so again I did what I was told and began working in the medical field as a means to pursue Physician Assistant school. I worked, took the bus everywhere, worked some more, lived paycheck to paycheck and throughout Covid and life’s many ups and downs I stayed in hot pursuit of this goal. Prerequisites were required for applications so time and money was spent to complete these at home during lockdown. Experience (beyond what was reasonable) for these programs was also a must-have so I pushed myself beyond limitations within me that I didn’t even know existed.
Since I graduated with my degree in 2019, I have worked in 8 different clinics not including a stint at a karaoke bar, which would bring this list to a total of 9 different jobs. What does this tell me? Many things.
The first thing it tells me is that I get bored. Bored of the same duties, bored of disrespect, bored of mismanagement, bored of bullshit. It also tells me that I do not settle. I refuse to work in a space that doesn’t want me to evolve and be better. I also know that no matter where you work, there is always an element of organizational hierarchy whether it be appropriate or inappropriate. The lessons I have learned from all these dynamic spaces could fill a swimming pool.
The most important takeaway though, is that I am learning exactly what I do not want anymore. The relationship I have with myself is growing everyday as I disengage from what I thought was “for me” but is now peeling away like a snake shedding its skin. This is a powerful and necessary change. Almost as if this series of events was so perfectly planned to lead me into my current mindset. I went to college for a specific reason, which was to get a degree so that I could land a secure job. That simply didn’t happen. Instead, I went to college, got my degree, learned invaluable social skills with which I entered the workforce to find that I hate the workforce. Now, based on my own personal lived experiences, I have a tangible understanding for what I do not want. I do not want to be enslaved to other people’s agendas and live at the mercy of someone else’s bottom dollar.
My ultimate goal is to live in my creative freedom. I mean, look at how much I’ve got to write about. This is merely scratching the surface as they say. This is not even the tip of the iceberg, this is a small snowflake at the tip of the iceberg. All this is to say that I am not defined by what I have done nor by my accomplishments. In a podcast I recently tuned into, the host discussed that it’s not about who has the most money who wins, but rather who has the most experiences. That is where I intend to go, what I intend to do and who I intend to be– experience rich.
Using what I know to launch forward is part one. My past is simply that.
I didn’t get into PA school. In fact, I didn’t even get waitlisted. I failed out before I even started and it was the best thing that could have happened. I want to write, read, learn, and evolve. Still, my yearning is to help and be of service to others as I believe that is my God given gift. Reimagining the ways in which I can pursue this is my new driving force. It has always been within me to write. Ever since I can remember I have wanted to take a writing class and explore this. It is why I started my blog, a means of creative freedom to lean into who I am as a writer and create relatable content for my peers.
So, as I sit at my desk here at the hospital and dream up my soon-to-be new reality, I am overcome with curiosity. Why did it take so long for the wool to be removed from my eyes? Why so many steps, highs, lows, mistakes, and doubts? Nothing valuable comes easily. Nothing worth waiting for arrives quickly. No one interesting ever has a streamlined, boring life. That’s just not what they write about.
I want to be a little bit of everything and I want to do a little bit of everything kind of like an everything bagel.
Everything bagels are just right. They’re salty, doughy, have just the right amount of herb and are absolutely perfect toasted with some cream cheese.
I often get to a point towards the end of my day, where I wish I had more energy and more time to just do that little bit extra that I promised myself. Whether it’s go to my dance class, yoga, write a blog post, get that drink with a friend, or make myself actual dinner?? For some It might be that extra few minutes playing with their kid or taking the dog for a longer walk than just around the corner to “go potty baby!”
It’s the guilt for me. I feel like on some days I’m super woman and can wake up at 5 AM to go to the gym and work all day before cooking an incredible meal and prepping everything for the next day. but then that’s it lol. The Rest of the week I drag my ass out of bed to go to work so I can afford that mediocre gym membership and then by the time I get home I just want to sit on my ass!
So how does one become an everything bagel? In other words, how do I do everything I intend to do? This can be tricky because on one hand, you don’t want to break commitments or promises that you make to yourself. Would you break a promise to a good friend? No. Having goals and committing to them are an essential part of self-care. Letting yourself down is just as bad if not worse than letting down someone you care about. But on the other hand, listening to your body is of the utmost importance. Communicating with yourself in regards to what you need in those moments is also an essential part of self-care.
For example, today I told myself I would go to my cardio dance class which I love (and pay for). I signed up and had a spot reserved, but work was insanely busy today as we were short staffed and I was on my feet nonstop. Towards the end of my shift, I felt torn between making myself go to a work out that I wanted to experience versus going home to rest for a second day in a row. I decided to go home and I was in fact, bummed out. But the moment I got home, I collapsed on the couch with my dog and was so glad I made that choice because now my body can get the rest it needs to have a good workday tomorrow (being tired at work is the worst thing ever and it makes me so mad).
It’s also important to remember that everything doesn’t have to occur all at once. Things can be rearranged, schedules can be shifted, and nothing has to be according to a perfect timeline. This timeline is something we often create in our heads, and we tell ourselves that unless we do things that very same day, we aren’t worthy of rest.
As a very type A, organized, Little Miss ‘Plans out everything’ kinda gal, it can be hard for me to change plans because mentally I like to stick to my original plan. But if there’s any important lesson I learned in all of this, there’s nothing more important than prioritizing your rest and recovery and listening to your body. We won’t be able to accomplish anything if we sacrifice how we’re feeling physically when we know it isn’t the right time to push harder. Sometimes telling ourselves to turn it down is 10 times harder than telling ourselves to turn the dial up.
So how in the hell does this help me become an everything bagel? Well being an everything bagel is just that. I learn to balance not just my activities but also my rest and I recognize that prioritizing my rest and recovery is a huge part of why I can do activities to begin with. I guess to do everything, sometimes we have to do nothing.
So friends– eat the bagel, watch your TV show and remember to be kind to yourself.
xoxoxo,
Trinity ❤
Anyone want a bite of my vegan, gluten free, cruelty free, hypoallergenic, ecofriendly, preservative free, non-GMO, guilt free cupcake??
You know that physical feeling you get when you “ace” a test? When you thought you got at LEAST a D+ and by the literal grace of God you somehow managed a B-???? It’s a physical feeling of relief when you suddenly don’t feel like holding your breath or balling your eyes out. WELL thats how I’ve been feeling lately because I did it again….GOT A NEW JOB. But this time is different, you know why? Because I feel like I aced my test. I physically feel like my muscles are relaxed and my lungs can fill with air.
I have worked many jobs over the last 5 years. Pretty much all healthcare (except for a minor stint at a karaoke bar LOL), wearing many hats and discovering the raw truth behind toxic work dynamics and systemic hierarchical bullsh*t. It has taken many years of fighting the good fight trying to manifest my dEsTiny or whatever working 9-5 for the mAn or some sh*t. AND LET ME TELL YOU THIS: with each additional row of “experience” added to my resume I have learned some things and also learned to recognize that feeling of when something is just…right.
As a 27 year old woman, wisdom is something I have been learning the hard way through the many ups and downs of young adulthood. There are a handful of takeaways that I can say changed the way I carry myself through the world, many of which have come from my experiences in the workplace. If you’re still reading then I love you and here is my list:
SPEAK UP. Very important rule here. If you let them, they will walk all over you. Them being managers, coworkers AND patrons (i.e customers, patients etc).
DON’T make yourself smaller to make others feel comfortable. People will want you to tone down who you are in order to cater to their feelings. If you ever feel this energy from the people you work with or are around everyday, that place is not for you. If you can, LEAVE…..
…..so that you DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME. Time is the most precious thing we have in this world and it is priceless and irreplaceable. That job and those people will replace you in a heartbeat, don’t be fooled.
DON’T BE SO QUICK TO TRUST. Many times it will seem safe. It will seem nice and the water might be warm, but always stay on guard until proven otherwise. People wear disguises all the time and try to be someone they are not. Do not fall for these tricks. Use your better judgment before bringing all your walls down regardless of how much “camaraderie” there may seem to be.
Lastly, NEVER FORGET YOUR VALUE. You are bringing something important to this job or this environment. You were hired for a reason and you are skilled. Never let a job convince you that you are worth less. Ever.
As you can tell, my skin has become a little thicker these days from all the bullsh*t, but I am grateful for what I know now. You learn to appreciate the moments that do feel right. For example, personally, I know something feels right for me physically because my body has a reaction. I sometimes want to cry. I know that sounds corny and weird maybe but it means I feel relieved. Or there are times when I can actually see past my stress and anxieties to take in my surroundings for once like the storm has passed and I can see things make sense. I can actually smell the roses and appreciate the sun on my face or the leftover pizza I brought for lunch. Anyways, you get the picture.
So to this I say cheers friends and good luck. May your gut guide you! I hope wherever you are, it feels just..well.. right!?
Embracing change can feel like hugging a cactus. Or perhaps it’s similar to taking cherry flavored cough syrup—it’s awful tasting, but you know you need it and that eventually it’ll make you feel better.
Embracing change is one of those things that we essentially have no say in. So quite literally we either embrace it or make things entirely more difficult by avoiding it.
Historically, I have been terrible at embracing change. I am usually afraid of the future and what I can’t control, it’s something I’ve been grappling with my whole life. When change happens I’m not always ready for it and I’m don’t always handle it well. However, when the storm passes and the change is simply ~happening~ to me…. I find that I’m actually, truly okay. Like the fear of it was wayyyy worse than the change itself.
I feel like I am not alone in this either. I think we can all agree it’s reallllllllllllllllllllllllllllly difficult to understand that change is actually happening for the betterment of our own futures (or something wise like that idk). Change also manifests different for everyone. It hurts different, hits different, heals different for every single human. No two paths are alike.
Sometimes we forget that we ALL go through it, like we fail to realize we’re all navigating this chaos at the same time!!! I have many friends right now, all in their twenties and early thirties still scratching their heads asking “what went wrong here? How long until this is resolved? When will I feel better? Is it my fault?” The answer is WHO FUC*IN KNOWS. A wise man once said, “time will tell us everything we need to know.” That line has never been more true and encompasses every aspect of the struggle—the reality is there is no quick fix and change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a matter of l-e-t-t-i-n-g it happen naturally. You can’t force it, like a fart- if you force it, it’s probably shit (saw this on a magnet somewhere).
So friends, to all this I say— try your hardest to be like the ocean and move with the waves. Let your self be carried by the water into the good vibes ahead. No sense in fighting the current because you’ll just be struggling to keep your head above water. Remember to take those deep breaths, lean on your loved ones, eat that bagel, do that workout and watch that episode. Take care of yourselves and love yourself through it, that’s the only way.
My families dog- Jazzy💖 05/2011-10/3/2023. May she reign in doggy heaven forever ✨🐶🕊🤍 R.I.P
This is arguably by far the hardest, most challenging, uprooting, beautiful, heavy and confusing year of my life. I can say with UTTER and complete confidence that I have no f*cking idea what is going on. I am 26. Just 26 years young and 100% agree with the idea that your twenties are a hot train wreck from hell. There are so many silver linings and miracles within our youth. I have been blessed to the nines with some of the people I have met and the places I have been, yet there is this counter balance. This weight that is wrapped around your ankles, pulling you down. I am in this crazy space where I am free yet so stuck. Like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but the tunnel is so damn long that I just keep running. Sweating, out of breath, thirsty, in pain.
This year my heart broke. This year my car broke (literally got into my second accident totaling my car once again). This year I went to Europe and fell in love with a new city. This year I got lost and not a single google maps search could save me from not knowing where my future lies. This year I realized my past stole from me— my money, my time and my love.
I am going to be 27 in November and Im f*cking terrified. Who will I meet? Where will I go? Can I afford to go there? Will my heart become whole again? Will I finally stop crying?? (LOL never). I just have no clue which way is up these days. I don’t know who’s right and who’s wrong. Ive never been so unsure in my entire life.
But you know what—I’m here. I’m here to find out. Everyday is the exact same but different. Everyday I wake up, anything can happen. I could run into 50 cent at the grocery store. I could win a cereal box sweepstakes. Maybe someone will discover me and I’ll become a famous blogger. Quite literally the world is my OYSTER (and I like oysters). So yes, I have been on the ride of my damn life, doing my best to stay positive and “keep my head up.” UGH can we be more original please!?
SO many questions, unanswered. ZERO sense of direction. No comprehension -anymore- of what I wanna be when I grow up. Sometimes I feel like I’m even going backwards and everyone else is moving forward past me. AND I KNOW how this sounds. This is literally my thoughts, my brain IS this blog. I write to stay alive. I write to feel strong. To connect, to stay grounded in something when everything else is just non existent or falling apart. And to be clear, this isn’t an invitation for sympathy. This is my platform to be me and all are welcome here. Plus I KNOW you people have shit you’re going through. We ALL do for f*cks sake.
With that being said though, I’m here. Im a person, a human. I write love letters to you and to myself with this blog. You’re not alone on this sinking ship. Lets keep bailing water out of this b*tch before *insert tasteless joke about millionaires and the deep sea*
CoffeeShopVibes 