Category: Uncategorized

Posted in peace, Uncategorized

solo-dolo

Posted on by tjoroski

Have you ever been somewhere….alone? (Like also with your dog and lots of people around?). Well I have.

For the first time I went on a solo trip. Just me, my bestie MJ and the Oregon coast. 

I’m currently in a new season of life where I spend a great deal of time alone learning about myself. In this most recent episode, I took it upon myself to pack up the car and take my pup on an adventure for just us. It was eye opening. I didn’t realize how much I talk to myself, like holy sh*t. I really talk my own ear off BUT it’s all in the name of cultivating a greater sense of self. I rented a small beachfront room through Airbnb and had the opportunity to read, write, eat, watch TV and rest. It was actually a much better experience than I thought it would be.

There have been significant changes in my life lately and it took quite a bit of strength to push myself to take the 3 hour drive out to the coast. A part of me wanted to stay wrapped up in the Trader Joes Apple scented candle comfort of my one bedroom apartment, but I knew deep down that taking the time to invest in myself through a new experience, would be significantly more beneficial. One thing I found interesting while away, was how fascinating it can be to sit with your thoughts when you don’t have anything to really do or stress about. My mind went from “Wow it’s like so warm and foggy at the same time. That’s weird.” to “Sh*t, I’m really learning how to be alone and navigate my emotions.” Sometimes I’d find myself hyper fixated on the seagulls on the sand and how much my dog wished more than anything she could eat one. Other times it would be more along the lines of how my attachment style has affected the relationships in my life. I was having an endless conversation with me, myself and I. 

I appreciated the chance to engage with the thoughts I had when I wasn’t worried about work, laundry, or waking up early the next day. There really is a big difference between being at home with your to-do list versus on a beautiful beach—where your to-do list is simply to ‘just be’. My favorite part of the trip was exploring a new place on my own terms. I could wake up and take my time, get my coffee, cuddle my dog and give all the energy I had— to myself. My least favorite part of the trip was confronting moments when I genuinely felt alone. This was a new feeling for me and it was kinda rough, kinda how the ocean can be, rough but beautiful too. 

My biggest takeaway from this trip was that I now know I can really do something like this and be *chill*

By *chill* I mean calm, stable, okay, and just fine. I can travel solo and navigate a myriad of changes in life and come through to the other side. Sure, I might cry a few (hundred) times, but at the end of the day I can pick myself up and recognize my own strength. I don’t need someone else to remind me of my capabilities because I have proven to myself I am already capable of being independent, creative, talented etc. Hell, I didn’t know I would make a new best friend on this trip and I sure as hell didn’t know it would be me lol. 

So, allllllllllll that being said I would 10/10 recommend a solo-dolo trip into whatever random environment or wilderness makes you happy or wherever you feel solitude and contentment might find you. For me, I decided on a beautiful quaint beach town with a single sensor activated street lamp and an espresso drive through. In any case, I am grateful for the time I had to focus on just “being” rather than “doing.” I encourage you to try it too. Who knows you might come to love talking to yourself just as much as I do ❤

XOXO,

Trin

P.S.

Some tips I found would have been helpful:

-Bring some late night snacks or candy for when you stay up late alone and don’t want to brave the one overpriced market at 1130pm with your pepper spray in one hand and dog leash in the other.

-Don’t bring projects to work on unless you commit. Might get side tracked and watch the new Netflix thriller series instead.

-Pack your face wash the night before you leave so you don’t have to use the Airbnb bar soap as cleanser at midnight once you realize you forgot the essentials. 

-Give yourself permission to buy the overpriced hoodie at the local surf shop to commemorate such an important time. 

“MOM LOOK DID YOU SEE THAT. IT WAS A BIG SQUIRREL I SWEAR”

Posted in peace, Uncategorized

City eScape

Posted on by tjoroski

Look up. Maybe you’ll see the clouds drifting quickly between the concrete skyscrapers. Look down and you’ll probably see the thousands of feet walking right next to yours as you scramble to make the street crossing before the countdown hits zero. The city is unlike anywhere else, you can be everywhere and nowhere all at the same time.

My favorite thing about the city is how small I feel. So insignificant yet so grounded, like no matter how windy it is or how many people walk by, I won’t float away because she’s got me. The city. So grandiose, always showing off and always bragging with her loud voice. The millions of cars honking, some with drivers and to my surprise, some without. The huge double decker busses rumbling down the one ways, overflowing with people from all corners of the world. I can hear the live music from the café on the corner, playing unapologetically while patrons are chit chatting about their plan for the day as they order their eggs and benedict.

I can feel the big ideas and limitless possibilities bounce between people as I walk down the sidewalk. We’re shoulder to shoulder, but it’s allowed. There’s an unspoken understanding between city folk, almost like a grand family gathering where we’re all excited to be there so we accept the fact that we’ll be close to one another. I can feel the heat too, coming from the kitchen of the sushi restaurant as I walk by the open door. Or perhaps it’s coming from the steam that’s pouring out of the manhole I just tripped over. Either way, she’s alive. The city is alive and moving, breathing loudly for all to hear.

There’s something new to see with every glance, like my brain is capturing a picture each time I blink or look in a new direction. Over there I see an older woman carrying all her bags as she boards the downtown bus. Turning the opposite way I see two men chatting over afternoon coffee, they seem to be strangers but find commonality in their endeavor to find caffeine. Behind me are tall trees trying to compete with the urban jungle around them but it’s nice to have some green in the mix to break up the concrete. Observing the city makes me feel alive, it’s like being part of a living organism that needs each part of itself to thrive. The city makes me feel valued.

For many, the city is too much, too busy or too overwhelming. I understand this, as there is often a darker side to our favorite things. People can lose themselves in a sea of people and feel alone or invisible. The city can swallow you whole if you don’t learn how she operates. You might find yourself deafened by how loud it is all the time, or beaten down by everyone else’s heavy footsteps as they march in the same patterns day in and day out.

Yet, I find magic in this place. The buzz of people as they create their path forward. I think the city is the best place to do it because although your cup might be too full, it will never be empty here. There will always be a place at the table– the chaotic, beautiful, diverse, smelly, happy, full table. So, if you haven’t had the opportunity to breathe in the smoke or the smog of a glorious city metro, this is my challenge to you friends. Next time the chance comes around, explore your city, or any city for that matter. Take note of the bookshops, cafes, cocktail bars, mom n’ pop shops, museums and music. The energy of it all may surprise you and who knows, you might actually like it.

“I think I can see my dreams up there”

Posted in Uncategorized, youth

Not Boring.

Posted on by tjoroski

My coffee is lukewarm and my hands are cramping. I feel a sense of excitement but also fatigue as I think about this. My writing. 

My journey has been interesting as I have found myself to be consistently inconsistent in my work, my relationships and my endeavors. Maybe that makes me rich, but perhaps it makes me poor. I began in the traditional sense being told that after highschool, college is my only option to secure everything I want in life. I don’t blame my parents, they were only trying to do their best just like the rest of us.

I moved to Portland at 18 by myself and chose biology as my field to study. I only chose this because of Mr Boyd, my high school physiology 101 teacher. I remember that he made it fun, that he showed us how biology on a cellular level and what made humans work could actually be so fascinating. His class was my favorite.

So with my science major I accepted the terms and conditions of collegiate pain and suffering that came with a STEM field of study. In some ways it was badass, honorable and daring. In other ways it was idiotic, rageful and painstakingly challenging. Nonetheless, it was mine and after 4.5 years I graduated with an Honors College biology degree and a minor in community health (whatever that means). 

The only reasonable thing to do with this degree was move into the healthcare space, so again I did what I was told and began working in the medical field as a means to pursue Physician Assistant school. I worked, took the bus everywhere, worked some more, lived paycheck to paycheck and throughout Covid and life’s many ups and downs I stayed in hot pursuit of this goal. Prerequisites were required for applications so time and money was spent to complete these at home during lockdown. Experience (beyond what was reasonable) for these programs was also a must-have so I pushed myself beyond limitations within me that I didn’t even know existed. 

Since I graduated with my degree in 2019, I have worked in 8 different clinics not including a stint at a karaoke bar, which would bring this list to a total of 9 different jobs. What does this tell me? Many things. 

The first thing it tells me is that I get bored. Bored of the same duties, bored of disrespect, bored of mismanagement, bored of bullshit. It also tells me that I do not settle. I refuse to work in a space that doesn’t want me to evolve and be better. I also know that no matter where you work, there is always an element of organizational hierarchy whether it be appropriate or inappropriate. The lessons I have learned from all these dynamic spaces could fill a swimming pool. 

The most important takeaway though, is that I am learning exactly what I do not want anymore. The relationship I have with myself is growing everyday as I disengage from what I thought was “for me” but is now peeling away like a snake shedding its skin. This is a powerful and necessary change. Almost as if this series of events was so perfectly planned to lead me into my current mindset. I went to college for a specific reason, which was to get a degree so that I could land a secure job. That simply didn’t happen. Instead, I went to college, got my degree, learned invaluable social skills with which I entered the workforce to find that I hate the workforce. Now, based on my own personal lived experiences, I have a tangible understanding for what I do not want. I do not want to be enslaved to other people’s agendas and live at the mercy of someone else’s bottom dollar. 

My ultimate goal is to live in my creative freedom. I mean, look at how much I’ve got to write about. This is merely scratching the surface as they say. This is not even the tip of the iceberg, this is a small snowflake at the tip of the iceberg. All this is to say that I am not defined by what I have done nor by my accomplishments. In a podcast I recently tuned into, the host discussed that it’s not about who has the most money who wins, but rather who has the most experiences. That is where I intend to go, what I intend to do and who I intend to be– experience rich. 

Using what I know to launch forward is part one. My past is simply that. 

I didn’t get into PA school. In fact, I didn’t even get waitlisted. I failed out before I even started and it was the best thing that could have happened. I want to write, read, learn, and evolve. Still, my yearning is to help and be of service to others as I believe that is my God given gift. Reimagining the ways in which I can pursue this is my new driving force. It has always been within me to write. Ever since I can remember I have wanted to take a writing class and explore this. It is why I started my blog, a means of creative freedom to lean into who I am as a writer and create relatable content for my peers. 

So, as I sit at my desk here at the hospital and dream up my soon-to-be new reality, I am overcome with curiosity. Why did it take so long for the wool to be removed from my eyes? Why so many steps, highs, lows, mistakes, and doubts? Nothing valuable comes easily. Nothing worth waiting for arrives quickly. No one interesting ever has a streamlined, boring life. That’s just not what they write about.

Posted in Uncategorized

“Falling” back into it☕️🍂🍁

Posted on by tjoroski

It has been a busy few months folks! but I am back, its my favorite season AND I have some very important thoughts to share…

You know that feeling when you see walk into a bustling coffee shop?

It’s kind of like a warm blanket. 

You walk into a light aroma of coffee, chai and chocolate. Listen to the gentle chatter of people at the tables and chairs. 

The barista calls a name out to announce a fresh oat milk vanilla latte for a lucky customer. I love scanning the case of baked goods debating which one would pair best with my cup of house coffee both taste wise and aesthetically.

There are people reading, studying, conversing, eating, drinking.

A coffee shop is an oasis. A getaway to feel secure, warm, and comfortable.

Being in a coffee shop feels safe, like everyone is on the same page—there to drink coffee and just be. It’s like the perfect ambient experience. 

I love the sound of the baristas grinding the coffee beans. Or the quiet background noise of indie folk music that only seems appropriate for this one setting lol. 

Fall in a coffee shop is the best. It’s like you’re in your own Halloween hallmark film. Literally sipping cinnamon foam while you watch the yellow leaves fall off the trees outside. Truly amazing. 

Its the perfect place to be surrounded by everyone yet completely alone, but in a good way. It’s nothing but vibes. 

CoffeeShopVibes. 

xoxoxo

Happy Fall (the best time of year🎃)

Many more inner thoughts to come!

Real time footage of my dog actually *dragging* me to Starbs for her puppy PSL☕️🍂🎃🌼

Posted in Uncategorized

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A BLOGGER GIRL

Posted on by tjoroski
  1. Wake up! Feeling a little ratchet. Little achy and creaky from sleeping on my s-h-i-t-t-y mattress that Im trying to get my warrantee to fix. 
  2. Roll outta bed, slip on my cheetah print slippers and bathrobe, kiss my dog and then make my way to the bathroom.
  3. Wash my face, brush my teeth and put dry shampoo in my hair and become somewhat presentable to take blood pressures and give injections all day.
  4. Turn on hot water to make tea or french press for basic af coffee. 
  5. Put my prepped lunch in my lunch box! Take vitamins and eat my strawberry flakes cereal if I have time lol
  6. Give my dog another kiss and throw on my scrubs for the day. 
  7. Drive to work. Treat patients for boo boos. Drive home (unless its a school day or gym day).
  8. Roll up to the crib and try to find a close parking spot. 
  9. Let little fur baby out for a walk.
  10. Get back to the house and snack on some crackers or pretzels before cooking dinner (usually chicken or something easy).
  11. Prep for the next day. Make lunch, maybe do laundry. 
  12. I do this weird thing where I don’t make my bed in the AM but I make it when I get home before I get in it a few hours later? idk weird OCD sh*t. 
  13. If I don’t have hw or other random stuff to do, I make some tea and eat my dinner (my dog is definitely in my lap).
  14. ANNNDDDD the best part of my day…. Watching Real Housewives of Salt Lake City before bed time. 

So thats it folks! This is how my typical weekday/night goes. Unless I’m in class for EMT, need to run errands OR getting gains at the gym. I see this GRWM trend all over socials, so thought I would make a blog edition LMAO. PeAcE I’m off to switch my laundry and prep my strawberry flakes (yep. I literally put out the bowl AND the spoon SO WHAT).

This chick is toasted.

Posted in Uncategorized, youth

…and just a pinch of chaos

Posted on by tjoroski

1 cup boredom. 1/2 cup confusion. 1 tbsp of distraction. 3/4 stick of disaster. Anddddd just a pinch of chaos = Vanilla Frosting covered BULLSH*T.

Maybe I shouldn’t start every blog off so pessimistic because I really am an optimist BUT idk can’t help it?? Plus y’all know that would be boring lol.

So I’m here, at my desk, at my new job…spoiler alert I’m an MA at an urgent care (AGAIN). Same sh*t different day. But my thoughts today are LOUD. My gawd I swear today I can’t SHUTUP! My brain is talking to me too much and it’s driving me crazy. Here’s what I’m thinking: do y’all ever feel the grim sense that you’re wasting time? Like maybe instead I could be on a boat somewhere doing something cooler than giving an airhead their tetanus shot because they thought it would be cool to scale a fence barefoot.

Most days I feel grateful I have a plan of some kind. Like OK YES Im going to school to be an EMT, which may lead to PA school but for now this is fine. For now I need a steady income to get me there and Im ok with that. Then other days like today, Im like DAMN I will never get this day, this minute, or this SECOND back!? Its kinda weird and awkwardly disappointing. So HOW on Earth do I come to terms with my “maybe waste of time job when I wanna be on a boat somewhere else” problem? This is what I’ve come up with so far:

ITS ALL ABOUT THE FOUNDATIONS BABYYYYY! I know for a fact I do not wanna be working at the same job doing the same things day in and day out my whole life. If that works for you then fine! Everyone is different and as I have said before, we all have different circumstances. However, I do believe we can always work to change our circumstances if we want to do so badly enough. That being said, I think of my current circumstances as my foundational phase. I want to put in the work now so that when Im in my 30s and 40s, I can TRULY do what I want, where I want, when I want. Besides, there’s no shame in admitting I can’t live lavishly now LOL. By the time I can actually enjoy myself doing whatever it is, I’ll (ideally) have the actual means to do so without stressing between my dog getting the organic wet food this week or If I can get a full tank of gas this time.

I want to set myself up for success and the reason I started this blog was to highlight the bullish*t that IS the concept of our 20s and early 30s being aMaZiNg *eyeroll* While there are amazing moments, we are essentially building ourselves for tomorrow. Im 26 and know maybe 0.000123654723% of whats actually going on and how Im going to figure my life out. I am 100000000% in my Bob the Builder Era and it’ll be a while longer before I can reach my Trinity From the Matrix Era dodging bullets making it look easy.

The thing to remember is this: you cannot, SHOULD not, by any means kick yourself and bully yourself into feeling not worthy enough to earn the rewards of tomorrow. Work hard to get your sh*t together, find strength and keep pushing. Give yourself grace!! Obvi don’t be a lazy B & move forward knowing your grind of today will *hopefully* be smooth sailing when you’re a little older. I mean we work hard to literally play hard no???

So my challenge to you is this friends: the next time you feel bored as f*ck, like you’re wasting time or feeling useless, just think about how you are the dictator of you’re own circumstances and if your grind truly matters to you, then double down and push harder to make your future worth it- and if you hate your circumstances and your job or WHATEVER else…CHANGE THAT SH*T DAWG!

Nothing like some freshly baked food for thought and a hot cup of STFU.

Posted in Uncategorized

Rough Seas

Posted on by tjoroski

Happy Monday? Ew no. I am not a Monday or a morning queen. How about happy-we-are-still-blogging-and-got-out-of-bed-day. MUCH BETTER.

As I type I am working through an ocean of emotion (rhyme scale 2 out of 10 at best). Its been an odd few weeks? Months maybe? I just remember the Oscars flying by and perhaps St Patricks day was in there but IDK. What happens when everything occurs to you all at once? How do you navigate the boat? The storm is here. Murky, rough waters, harsh winds, and the deep dark unknowns. I will be the first to publicly announce my great fear of exactly that: THE uNkNoWn…

It’s always been a real stupid struggle for me to grapple with what I don’t know. What I can’t control and what I can’t foresee always gets me DOWN. I wish I had a crystal ball but I know if I did, I would most likely drive myself even more insane. Im in this space where I don’t know if I should go left or right, up, down or sideways. Im relying on signs from the higher power and from the universe because while I am trying my best and making decisions that I think are right, they generally come back to bite me in the ASS.

For example, I got rejected from all PA programs last application cycle and now I am at a crossroads where I am deciding if I should apply again. At the same time I will be taking courses to become EMT (Emergency Medical Technician) Certified but with the unfortunate way the cookie crumbles, this EMT experience wouldn’t even be applicable for this next round of school applications BLA BLA BLA. Don’t worry if that shit doesn’t make any sense for you lol just know it sucks.

I also am being tested in my relationships in my life and being challenged to do the right thing with my head and my heart which if you know me, my heart likes to run WILD in the love jungle and she doesn’t always know how to turn it down or bring it in… a matter for my complicated mind to settle in private BUT my point is, life really is like that meme. The one that asks how am I supposed to balance school, love life, wellness, more school, eating food other than $0.39 ramen, walk the dog, watch reality tv, talk to people, get gas and stay alive ALL AT THE SAME TIME???

Its like I’m swimming but with ankle weights so like my top half is moving but my legs are just flailing and sinking!! I am trying everything to stay positive and look at the good too. I got to see SZA in concert (I wept), I still have hot water at home and although my dog got skunked and lost a toenail last weekend, she is still cute LMAO. SO thinking back to my New Years post and thinking about everything happening, my only solution is to keep f*cking going. If we sink, we’re toast. So imma just keep it real and keep moving, imma f*ck around and find out what the future holds because this shit is not my last stop and you can bet that those ankle weights are only gonna make me stronger when they come off!!!!!!!

Cheers Friends ❤

Maryjanelosthertoenailaftergettingsprayedbyaskunk.jpg

Posted in #yoga, Uncategorized

Real Talk: hot yoga changes lives

Posted on by tjoroski

“There is a space between stimulus and response. It is within this space that we find our growth.” Tonight I went to Hot Vinyasa Flow and this was the note our teacher ended on. There is so much value in this statement and I appreciate how relatable it feels without seeming like such a heavy cliche.

She could’ve said “we gRoW fRoM oUr mIsTaKeS” or something but instead she leaned into the realness behind an idea that is truly so simple. Stimulus could be so many different things for us. Response can look and feel like many different things. Yoga has inspired me to think about things with intention. Why am I doing this? Why am I feeling this? Why am I thinking about this? It’s 100% without a doubt a type of therapy session that your body & mind benefit from

In yoga we create intentions. Usually the teacher asks us to set our own intention for the practice but sometimes they set a collective intention for the whole class. Tonight’s intention was to “create space.” Space in our bodies and in our mind’s. Space for new growth and thought. Creating space can be really f*cking hard, especially when it feels like there’s only room for things like: working, studying, babysitting, dog walking, or over thinking etc…

Going to a place that takes me out of my current stressful environment literally brings me back to Earth and centers me. It might sound silly, but in a world that is constantly moving, going to a place where you’re grounded in one place is a lifesaver. I share this post with you all because I believe we could all benefit from a little yoga.

There’s nothing like stretching & sweating out our fears, worries, doubts, tequila, sativa, sadness or bad energy. If you’re reading this, then today I encourage you to find a way to make space. Space in your body for better air and energy to find it’s way in. Space in your mind to allow ease & peace to take over. Space in your routine to lay on the floor for a minute or cry a little bit. Just space–because it’s in this space that we find our growth.

Some downward dog for the blog
Posted in Uncategorized

“One Foot in Front of the Other”

Posted on by tjoroski

..is literally my go-to line for when I’m stressed and someone asks how I’m doing lol.

“Hi Trin how are you??”….”Oh yeah you know! Just keep puttin’ one foot in front of the other.” Kind of a lame line now that I think about it. BUT it’s T R U E. Think about it. You have a f*cked up day? Well.. you literally have to walk to get to your bed..or your car…or your therapists office. SO no matter how bad it might seem, you technically are always moving forward. I find that the more steps you put between you and the shit bothering you….the easier it gets to overcome it. So technically, it’s not a cliche. It’s simply facts.

So that’s what I’m doing. I’m walking. Or stepping rather. Stepping to my new job orientation, to my car, to the gym, to this coffee shop I’m in & I’m drinking GREEN TEA in order to balance out the coffee I had at 8am. Does anyone else do that? Like IDK getting tea somehow feels more like “imhealthyandmylifeisputtogether” vibes. Kind of like when you get your nails done, get a haircut or get a fresh wax (sugar in my case). For some reason coffee feels more like a bandaid drink and tea feels like a lets-fix-the-actual-problem drink…I digress.

One foot in front of the other. PA school? Still on the fence. Still unsure what my path will be and I pretty much have to decide in the next few weeks what I’m gonna do. Complied with other responsibilities and emotions that come with being a human woman, it still feels like the weirdest crossroad of all time. ON THE BRIGHTSIDE: H.E.R and Saweetie came out with a new collab, the gas I got today was under $4 and my green tea HITS. Plus my online job training for a new urgent care (*yes another one*) was actually only like an hour long and not the predicted three.

Its a rainy Monday here in Portland OR USA and today’s blog post does in fact have a purpose. Besides reiterating the fact that my life and career path feels like putting together a broken plate with a glue stick, it is in fact to say that putting one foot in front of the other does work. Sometimes it’s literally all we can do, it’s our best. And as I’ve said many times (& like my yoga teachers say): sometimes your best is all you can do, and your best is always enough.

Posted in Uncategorized

Still at (middle) Ground Zero?

Posted on by tjoroski

I was out to lunch with my mans the other day. We were enjoying our food cart breakfast sandwiches when out of nowhere, the man at the next table over turns to us and says “hey are you guys from around here?”

Tall, white, nerdy looking man with a puffy jacket and a lime flavor Jarrito bottle in his hands is talking to us. Kinda random but we’re nice so we engage. He starts talking to us about his life. He’s lived here in Oregon for 24 years, married, wants kids…owns an incredibly successful e-commerce side hustle, dropped out of his psychology Masters program to pursue a different life. He said there was a point where he just stopped going to classes and his professor pulled him aside to ask him what was up. “Mike, do you really want to be a psychiatrist? or do you just wanna help people? Because all the other students here want to be psychiatrists plain and simple, they don’t care about the other stuff, they just want to have that title and be that.” So he dropped out–to help himself and to help people. Now he’s on track to live the life he wants. Random and kinda weird that I bring this up right?

WELL. As people might know, I dubbing my current state of a mind a “quarter life crisis” of sorts. SO when this kind stranger was explaining how his path to helping people looked different than he originally thought, and that his masters program was not ultimately what he felt drawn to doing after he had already been in school 5 years….NATURALLY I thought God was talking to me BC WTF. This has been my literal inner monologue for DAYZ now.

SO between working on my personal relationships, starting a new job, and now battling whether or not my life is destined for PA school and a career in medicine..my mind is a ticking time bomb (technically the bomb has been exploding for awhile now but). It’s like, I graduated college thinking this was my destination. I took (and paid) for all the hard online pre-reqs (smh covid), worked my ass off in different clinical jobs pursuing this goal of school and being a physician assistant. BUT now if you asked me WHY I choose PA school, I literally don’t have an answer. The only thing I could tell you is because I want to help people. Im just realizing, do I need to go through the rigorous program, pay thousands and thousands and then jump into the workforce in order to feel important & help people? Probs no, but that works for people.

My mans was like “what if we made a buttload of money, started a non-profit and gave back to the community somehow.” A nice idea. But also scary thinking that I might not choose the career path that I have worked hard to maybe get into. I mean I could still apply in a few years after if I feel differently, the programs could change, the PA career could mean something different. Its just insane thinking I made it to weird ass 25 years of age with a P L A N that isn’t exactly what I feel like pursuing anymore.

I’m also trying not to make all my decisions right now while I’m feeling u n s t a b l e-ish. I wanna move out of my cubicle apartment, make more $$, travel, etc. So I’m just at odds and ends right now. What do I do? Do I keep pushing and follow through with this plan I had? Or do I pump the brakes and explore other avenues of myself and my life? Which is safer? Which is smarter? Which f*cking path is for me? S/O to all my confused b*tches bc WE ARE OUT HERE.

Blue Ice and her mom.