planning – CoffeeShopVibes

“Hate It Or Love It”

Posted on July 25, 2023July 25, 2023 by tjoroski

This is arguably by far the hardest, most challenging, uprooting, beautiful, heavy and confusing year of my life. I can say with UTTER and complete confidence that I have no f*cking idea what is going on. I am 26. Just 26 years young and 100% agree with the idea that your twenties are a hot train wreck from hell. There are so many silver linings and miracles within our youth. I have been blessed to the nines with some of the people I have met and the places I have been, yet there is this counter balance. This weight that is wrapped around your ankles, pulling you down. I am in this crazy space where I am free yet so stuck. Like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel but the tunnel is so damn long that I just keep running. Sweating, out of breath, thirsty, in pain.

This year my heart broke. This year my car broke (literally got into my second accident totaling my car once again). This year I went to Europe and fell in love with a new city. This year I got lost and not a single google maps search could save me from not knowing where my future lies. This year I realized my past stole from me— my money, my time and my love.

I am going to be 27 in November and Im f*cking terrified. Who will I meet? Where will I go? Can I afford to go there? Will my heart become whole again? Will I finally stop crying?? (LOL never). I just have no clue which way is up these days. I don’t know who’s right and who’s wrong. Ive never been so unsure in my entire life.

But you know what—I’m here. I’m here to find out. Everyday is the exact same but different. Everyday I wake up, anything can happen. I could run into 50 cent at the grocery store. I could win a cereal box sweepstakes. Maybe someone will discover me and I’ll become a famous blogger. Quite literally the world is my OYSTER (and I like oysters). So yes, I have been on the ride of my damn life, doing my best to stay positive and “keep my head up.” UGH can we be more original please!?

SO many questions, unanswered. ZERO sense of direction. No comprehension -anymore- of what I wanna be when I grow up. Sometimes I feel like I’m even going backwards and everyone else is moving forward past me. AND I KNOW how this sounds. This is literally my thoughts, my brain IS this blog. I write to stay alive. I write to feel strong. To connect, to stay grounded in something when everything else is just non existent or falling apart. And to be clear, this isn’t an invitation for sympathy. This is my platform to be me and all are welcome here. Plus I KNOW you people have shit you’re going through. We ALL do for f*cks sake.

With that being said though, I’m here. Im a person, a human. I write love letters to you and to myself with this blog. You’re not alone on this sinking ship. Lets keep bailing water out of this b*tch before *insert tasteless joke about millionaires and the deep sea*

xoxo

Trinity

lost, motivation, peace, planning, storytelling, youth

CALL 911 IM TRYING SOMETHING NEW

Posted on April 20, 2023April 19, 2023 by tjoroski

Yo yo yo!!!! It’s ya girl back with a new episode of “WTF IS SHE DOING WITH HER LIFE” 🙂

So yes. Here we go. I am officially an Emergency Medical Technician student! I am so stoked. I decided to hit pause on getting my masters as a Physician Assistant and get more experience learning and hopefully doing some dope and crazy sh*t!!! I’m a little nervous but I know it’s the right thing because for some odd reason I am DRAWN TO THE CHAOS and I wanna help.

The thing is: this is the first time in over a year where I feel genuinely confident that I am 1000% where I am supposed to be. It doesn’t feel like a waste of time and I am so eager to learn. Ya know when you do something and it just feels right? Like nothing in your body is telling you otherwise. It’s a good feeling and I’ll admit it’s a foreign one too. I am a firm believer in working the system until you find the right fit. As an adult, I’ve always known that healthcare is for me, but I’ve had SO MANY jobs that didn’t feel “right” and this new adventure FINALLY feels correct like it clicked.

I would also like to point out that working with like minded people is such a valuable thing. Everyone in my class is a little cray cray because not only do we wanna be front line, we actually find joy in chaotic places where we feel we can make an actual difference. If you follow my blog, you know I have had a lot of ups and downs in my career/job life so writing this now is quite a revelation for me LOL.

The main reason I wanted to share my news with you all is because I have learned that No matter what, no matter how f*cking CORNY it sounds…DO NOT GIVE UP. Not on yourself, not on your dreams, not on your gut feelings etc. stick to it baby. What you put it is what you get out. You are the one that will take yourself to new heights but only if you actually BELIEVE you can reach them. I know I know it sounds lowkey stupid lol but take it from a b*tch who hasn’t had the most clear and direct/easy path to where she is now. It’s been one hell of a ride and it’s honestly just starting. Maybe in 3 years I’ll be a medic overseas makin’ dough, saving lives and sippin margs (off duty of course). IDK BUT I BELIEVE IT B*TCH.

So with this I say: visualize it. Breathe it. Even if you aren’t sure wtf is going on. Pick a feeling and roll with it like the damn tides babe. If you’re like “hmmm idk I like teaching and I like yoga and I like warm weather” then maybe try yoga teaching. If you love animals and like talking a lot then go hang out at the zoo and look at their job openings idk. But understand this: there are options and there is a pathway. This blog is for those of us who have had a rough go at finding it… but sis… it’s f*cking there you just have to go get it!

Wear green and share this post 10 times and you’ll be rich by next Wednesday.

lost, motivation, peace, planning, youth

Nose dive…? Jump? Idk I can’t smell shit.

Posted on October 24, 2022October 23, 2022 by tjoroski

Allergy szn b*tchesssss!! In a dramatic turn of events, I am channeling my PA program rejections (4 out, 4 to go) into proactive energy working at at karaoke bar making significantly less money!!! Yay!!!! Who knew. Life has been this: applied for schools, left my BULLSH*T medical assistant job, was denied unemployment benefits, anddddd became a hostess ayeeeeee…

It’s been land of the lost, limbo narnia, unsure nation 2.0… BUT I do have a new addiction called “DoorDashing.” LOL. Literally it is saving my ass and paying my credit card minimums 10/10 recommend (Instacart can suck a d*ck). SO YEAH, here we are a month shy of me losing my parents insurance benefits for good and here I am sniffling as the leaves change, checking IDs and trying not to eat my weight in free chicken nuggets. It’s definitely spooky season bc I’m scared lol.

It’s been a trying time of accepting the present moment and trying my best to find peace WITHIN IT AHHH *practice what you preach.* So, ya know I’ve had time to process things that have happened while being 25 years young. I’ve been able to walk my dog longer, catch up on tv, read a lil (like a tiny teeny bit), see my friends, manicure my man’s eyebrows, wash my hair more often etc. The silver lining here is time. Time doesn’t pay the bills but it is priceless. This period of my life is the much needed slow down I’ve been desperate for.

Moving forward I feel this: my right now moments lead into my tomorrow moments and everything can change at any moment. Things haven’t necessarily gone my way for a higher purpose, like annoying, but I get it. I mean I’ve been given the gift of time and sleep which is more than I’ve been able to have in awhile. I’m learning how to value myself in ways I didn’t recognize before. So friends, I raise my hard kombucha today for the good sake of tomorrow and what it will bring. I challenge you all to do the same!

She forgot her Gucci flip flops but time is on her side 😤

#yoga, motivation, peace, planning, youth

Sink or Swim? 🫠

Posted on September 27, 2022October 25, 2022 by tjoroski

Are you a meticulous planner? Do you think wayyyy ahead and then freak out over things that haven’t happened yet? Or are you always present and just go with the flow?? Well guess what folks! You are in the right place and this is the blog post for you!! ALL FOR (almost) FREE!! ….just the small fee of continuing to read my word vomit is required 🙂

SO yes yes yes I have once again been inspired by my own chaos–woohoo! Its funny how most creatives get inspiration from their own bullshit lol I digress. BUT on todays episode of “Coffeeshopvibes AKA i dont know shit i just write what i feel” my question to you is this: Is it wise to plan ahead and consider the “what-ifs” or maybes of life? We do it because we’re literally human and usually we have to otherwise what tf to we have to look forward to?? (or is that just me lol).

Lately a lot has been happening. Good and not so good but mostly its aight. Haven’t heard back from PA schools yet, quit my shitty job and got a better one (at a karaoke bar LMAO thats on brand for me), and consistently contemplating the quantum physical f*cksh*t that is life. ANYWAYS, if there is one thing that is on my mind more than ramen noodles, its the impending unknown of the ~fUtUrE~… I plan everything. Well most things. Im a sticky note queen, in college I had like 3 planners and I utilize the reminders app on my phone + my google calendar like my life depends on it (which technically for me it does lol).

In some cases, this is a good thing! I stay busy, I consider myself organized and it helps bring structure to my life. BUT I am also a work in progress trying to unlearn certain behaviors that aren’t as healthy. For example, throughout my adult life it has been very challenging for me to be present. Going with the flow and taking things as they come is scary bc I like too know the future so I can control the outcome which is TOXIC energy that requires work to change.

Through therapy and supportive relationships, I have learned it can be dangerous to harp on whats coming. We naturally create expectations for things that have not occurred yet or perhaps may never happen, good or bad. We try to guarantee things will go our way by constantly talking about them, planning them, thinking about them and then when the time comes, we hope it’s everything we mapped out in our heads. When it’s not, we can become sad, depressed or just frustrated as hell. The truth is, this is happening a lot, within most of us no matter who you are.

As per usual my go to sanctuary has been my yoga practice (and new found love for hip-hop dancing ayooo), and today the intention set for class by the instructor was quite literally, exactly what I needed to hear and understand: “When we achieve and accept the present moment, we can find peace. The present moment might not be peaceful, but with acceptance we can find peace within it.”

This SHOOK me to my core in the best way, here I was mountain posing my way out of tiredness and anxiety when she dropped this wisdom bomb. The idea behind this message is the reality that all of us face. She was basically stating this: although we have so much BS around us and on us at all times, and although we are constantly thinking about our tomorrow or our lunch hour or whatever— if we take a moment to breathe in what we are experiencing at the present, we can accept and be ok where we are.

There is something to be said about present-ness and focus. In yoga, shavasana pose (the one where you just lay flat on the ground), is arguably one of the hardest poses there is. That is because you are challenged to be still and present. Challenged to drown out intrusive thinking by focusing on ones breathing. Its f*cking hard okay?? BUT it tests you, just like life does 24/7 365 billion days a year. AND its all practice, practice makes perfect.

SO my challenge to you AND to myself, is to practice being present. Practice going with the flow, focus on your own 2 feet and how you’re about to walk to the kitchen for a snack, then focus on the deliciousness of that snack and be in that moment, because that moment IS guaranteed. Plus, who doesn’t love a snack that is guaranteed to be delicious??