tjoroski

#yoga, motivation, peace, planning, youth

Sink or Swim? 🫠

Posted on September 27, 2022October 25, 2022 by tjoroski

Are you a meticulous planner? Do you think wayyyy ahead and then freak out over things that haven’t happened yet? Or are you always present and just go with the flow?? Well guess what folks! You are in the right place and this is the blog post for you!! ALL FOR (almost) FREE!! ….just the small fee of continuing to read my word vomit is required 🙂

SO yes yes yes I have once again been inspired by my own chaos–woohoo! Its funny how most creatives get inspiration from their own bullshit lol I digress. BUT on todays episode of “Coffeeshopvibes AKA i dont know shit i just write what i feel” my question to you is this: Is it wise to plan ahead and consider the “what-ifs” or maybes of life? We do it because we’re literally human and usually we have to otherwise what tf to we have to look forward to?? (or is that just me lol).

Lately a lot has been happening. Good and not so good but mostly its aight. Haven’t heard back from PA schools yet, quit my shitty job and got a better one (at a karaoke bar LMAO thats on brand for me), and consistently contemplating the quantum physical f*cksh*t that is life. ANYWAYS, if there is one thing that is on my mind more than ramen noodles, its the impending unknown of the ~fUtUrE~… I plan everything. Well most things. Im a sticky note queen, in college I had like 3 planners and I utilize the reminders app on my phone + my google calendar like my life depends on it (which technically for me it does lol).

In some cases, this is a good thing! I stay busy, I consider myself organized and it helps bring structure to my life. BUT I am also a work in progress trying to unlearn certain behaviors that aren’t as healthy. For example, throughout my adult life it has been very challenging for me to be present. Going with the flow and taking things as they come is scary bc I like too know the future so I can control the outcome which is TOXIC energy that requires work to change.

Through therapy and supportive relationships, I have learned it can be dangerous to harp on whats coming. We naturally create expectations for things that have not occurred yet or perhaps may never happen, good or bad. We try to guarantee things will go our way by constantly talking about them, planning them, thinking about them and then when the time comes, we hope it’s everything we mapped out in our heads. When it’s not, we can become sad, depressed or just frustrated as hell. The truth is, this is happening a lot, within most of us no matter who you are.

As per usual my go to sanctuary has been my yoga practice (and new found love for hip-hop dancing ayooo), and today the intention set for class by the instructor was quite literally, exactly what I needed to hear and understand: “When we achieve and accept the present moment, we can find peace. The present moment might not be peaceful, but with acceptance we can find peace within it.”

This SHOOK me to my core in the best way, here I was mountain posing my way out of tiredness and anxiety when she dropped this wisdom bomb. The idea behind this message is the reality that all of us face. She was basically stating this: although we have so much BS around us and on us at all times, and although we are constantly thinking about our tomorrow or our lunch hour or whatever— if we take a moment to breathe in what we are experiencing at the present, we can accept and be ok where we are.

There is something to be said about present-ness and focus. In yoga, shavasana pose (the one where you just lay flat on the ground), is arguably one of the hardest poses there is. That is because you are challenged to be still and present. Challenged to drown out intrusive thinking by focusing on ones breathing. Its f*cking hard okay?? BUT it tests you, just like life does 24/7 365 billion days a year. AND its all practice, practice makes perfect.

SO my challenge to you AND to myself, is to practice being present. Practice going with the flow, focus on your own 2 feet and how you’re about to walk to the kitchen for a snack, then focus on the deliciousness of that snack and be in that moment, because that moment IS guaranteed. Plus, who doesn’t love a snack that is guaranteed to be delicious??

dance, motivation, youth

Yo DJ Play My Song

Posted on July 29, 2022July 28, 2022 by tjoroski

YOOOOO! Big news. Just arrived at manifestation station. Im moving!.. to a different part of town LOL.

I literally stood in the center of my 5×5 apartment and literally felt the ick. I was cringing and overwhelmed about how much sh*t I have. But thats when I realized, “oh wait, I dont have that much sh*t, my apartment is just suited for someone who doesnt dream of a walk in closet with a table and chairs.” TBH Its been a long time coming. Three years in a downtown metro, three years of bums at my door, no peephole and a peeping tom neighbor. Thats a long f*cking time to have no dishwasher and praying I make it back from the basement every time I wash my d e l i c a t e s for $1.75 in communo washer/dryer🤮.

I am the type of person who gets uncomfortable with something and then wants to change it instantaneously. A GO GETTER? if you will lmao. I cannot stand in one space for too long looking at the same thing or doing the same things whether it be mentally, emotionally or physically. Thats why Ive lived in many places and had so many jobs (well that and the fact my managers have been nothing short of bullsh*t). Its why I like medicine bc it can be LOCA but Im down for the ride. So even though Ive been at my place for about 3 (thousand) years, Im always on the hunt ready for my next “thing.”

I will say tho, Im proud of myself ya know? It takes a lot as a young, stupid, adult to MOVE. I mean over the years Ive had to learn what a change of address is and how your billing address is connected to your debit card and if you dont change that when you move then your bills get f*cked. OR OR OR how you need renters insurance and an electric company for power and wifi and *heavy breathing*

Im also working on finding a new…j o b…..LOLOLOL. Yes again.. I just. I cant..idk. Like finding a new job and place to enjoy before PA school (should I even get in 🤞🏼), seems crazy no? But then again, its literally MY journey. I will change anything and everything I want to for however long if it makes ME happy. We are truly the cReAtOrS oF oUr OwN dEsTiNy😂 but fr fr I want a better quality of life so, b*tch you had best believe Im gonna GO GET IT………. regardless of how broke I might be later.

Its entirely a leap of faith as most things are. But if we cant trust ourselves and take risks, then WTF are we even doing? So if you need a change and youre worried, anxious, scared, night sweats, ugly crying, hyperventilating then SIS take it from me: when you take charge and play your song, marching to the beat of your own drum… the risk is WORTH THE REWARD. I mean damn now I can save $2 on laundry.

lost, peace, youth

Lets Get Lost

Posted on July 6, 2022 by tjoroski

Have you ever stared out into the ocean, like wayyyy out onto the horizon and thought, “what the f*ck is out there?”…probably more ocean lol but it feels and looks so mysterious. Like if I was lost at sea for an hour, that would be ok ya know?

Getting lost can be amazing (or a nightmare), but these days between SCOTUS starring in Black Mirror and MGK + Megan Fox running the world, getting lost kinda sounds nice…bc it would hopefully be anywhere but here right?

Sometimes I get lost in thought, which can SUCK if it has anything to do with my work, school applications (yes I did apply omg post on that later), or my spending tendencie$. BUT sometimes its cool and I don’t even realize it until it’s over. Im writing this blog post on getting lost in thoughts or moments, bc with every headline or deadline, I find myself LONGING for literally any kind of positive distraction. Sh*t, sometimes Ill be doing the damn dishes for 20 minutes thinking about how Selena Gomez has been a low-key star just doing her thing not annoying anybody vs Britney who has all her concerning Instagram dance videos (don’t come for me). When I’m done with the dishes I think “oh that was nice! Time to stress out about literally everything! What else can I clean???????”

Just yesterday I was looking for seashells. Searching for colors, shapes, bit and pieces etc. It was so fun, I felt like a kid with no responsibility or demands. Literally just feeling like all I had to do was focus on finding shells. It was honestly therapeutic. I didn’t think about work, school, money, not even lunch lol. When I got out of the water, I felt a sense of gratitude and appreciation for the fact that I could even get so distracted.

Connecting to our ramblings and distractions and finding peace in them, is a gift tbh. So next time that you get lost in your thoughts or small actions, whether it be cleaning the shower and singing to Dua Lipa or walking in the forest somewhere listening to bird calls and insects, make sure to say thank you. Say thanks to you, for your ability to think about random sh*t.

motivation, peace, youth

Don’t. Forget. To. Do. Things.

Posted on May 19, 2022May 19, 2022 by tjoroski

Messy, messy, messy. That’s been the overarching theme of these past few months. COVID cases rising, women’s rights plummeting, people shooting guns into oblivion, work-life balance teetering on the edge of destruction. Blah, blah, blah.

So much time for insanity & stress, so little time for peace and “self care.” In my recent post I shared my challenge of making myself NOT check the news everyday. It’s actually worked (besides the major stories that squeeze there way into my day). I am ever so slightly less on edge than I was before. BUT my ticket to bits and pieces of peaceful moments is not just coffee breaks and a zero-news policy—it’s actually what I call mindful wellness. And yeah, if life allows for this so called mindful wellness, then you take that shit and R U N with it. Here’s why.

Some of you are like “wtf is that I mean yeah I drink water and sleep sometimes and that’s what I call good health.” Others are like “yes sis I zen out all the time just child’s pose and chill.” WELL, mindful wellness to me is when somehow some way, I am able to create space to do something for myself that a) pushes my comfort boundaries like trying something new b) schedule an appointment for something that brings me physical relief or c) make time for ANYTHING that brings me joy (Nordstrom rack stroll, coffee shop trip, painting my toes or blasting J-Lo’s Jenny from the Block).

My real life example is something I’ve picked up recently. Once a week, I go to beginning/intermediate hip hop dance choreography and dance my heart out. I’m no professional by any means and the only other dance I’ve done is as a kid until I was like 6. But for some reason, this shit unlocks my soul and I feel so elated. I’ve always said that in my past life or if I were to be reincarnated, I would be a talented back up dancer to someone famous. This time and space that I create, this one hour of dancing and learning something new, brings me so much joy.

In a world that tries to steal ALL our joy- we must take it back. Take back that space and time. Find a way if you can. Plan ahead. Take a day, an hour, even 20 minutes to choose something (walking, dancing, reading, Pilates, yoga, that tv series that airs new episodes once a week, cooking etc). Anything that feels like soul food—EAT IT. It’s SO important to choose yourself in ways that make you feel happy, special, cared for.

Y’all we are more than our jobs, more than our relationships, more than our paychecks. We often forget that there’s more to our lives and sometimes we have to change our routine to account for something more than work, school, sleep, repeat or whatever it is that you usually do. So YEAH, mindful wellness is key fam. DON’T forget to do things👏🏼

peace, youth

“Mid Year Resolutions”

Posted on April 11, 2022April 10, 2022 by tjoroski

Happy almost-middle-of-the-f*cking-year everyone!

My gawd. What the hell happened. April is that weird month between cold and warm where no one really knows if they should wear a jacket or not? Like freezing when you walk out the house but 10 minutes in your sweaty and frustrated. Yay!

Anyways, this post comes after the ‘sunday scaries’ hit me. At work. Lmao I work Sundays so it just sucks. BUT, truly I got to thinking. I made a new commitment to myself. A mid year resolution if you will. I vow to stay away from actively checking the news. Like seeking out stories, listening to news podcasts or constantly refreshing Yahoo News for weird click-baity bullshit. Literally though, today was weird. On a Sunday morning, I read about Ukraine still blowing up, Portlands’ 473485348975th shooting this year already, someone’s car being stolen in my neighborhood (again), etc..the list goes on. ALL before noon like wtf.

Its one of those things that can really affect you. I feel like I exist in a constant state of low grade anxiousness and paranoia. Life, the world, people…all so unpredictable. No day is the same- in both good and bad ways. One day it’s amazing news like the Supreme Court Justice being a black woman or Portland having a 5 day sunny streak. The next day its a double homicide with a side of rain. I. CaNt. DeAl.

I have to constantly try to disassociate myself from the negative shit. ITS LITERALLY EVERYWHERE. Facebook, Insta, snapchat, TV, magazines, c a b l e, other people..even unsolicited when it pops up on my phone or computer when I don’t want it. It brings me down, seriously I get freaked out and wish I could wrap the people, places and animals I love in bubble wrap. I have to take a breath and focus in on the reality of where I am and what Im doing. Remaining present helps, but then I also spam text everyone I know and care about to make sure they’re fine so that I can continue my day.

Everyone leans on different things. I blog, I pray, I watch TV (have to be careful bc I like dramatic shows but that doesn’t always tie in well with avoiding negative shit), go to yoga, focus on work, FaceTime my people, walk my dog. All the things that make me happy. I, and by I, I mean WE as people cannot live in fear for we will stop living altogether if that happens. BUT we remain vigilant AND as present as we can. Be smart, be tough but don’t forget to enjoy. Enjoy the reasons we find life worth living like fr because that sh*t is important.

I speak a lot on inner peace. I believe that our inner peace allows us to be good people in this world of chaos. Well I can’t be a peaceful b*tch when the world seems to be falling apart??? SO if anyone reading this can relate in any way, I challenge you to join me in committing to no news for awhile. The news will always be there, both good and things will happen, and if the news is big enough then we’ll find out anyways BUT for now, focus on the good shit and exhale- or just don’t read- that bullshit.

storytelling

It’s So Weird When Old People Die.

Posted on April 10, 2022February 27, 2026 by tjoroski

What’s your grandpa like? If you have one that is. Some grandparents suck, but most of them don’t suck.

I have, well had, 4 grandparents total. Two on moms side, two on dads side. Dads side I was really close to. My grandpa Henry passed when I was 16. He loved the grocery store and had the thickest old person glasses Ive ever seen. I literally watched him lose his sh*t. Like literally run out of oxygen to his brain and he went crazy. He died from low platelets and leukemia at 82? I think it was 82. My grandma Betty was a walking jewelry store. Obsessed with candy. Used to hide it from my grandpa and sneak it to me and my sister. She died from lung cancer in 2020. We did hospice care at her house, so I literally watched her breathe her last breath. SO weird when old people die.

My moms side is different. My grandma I barely know. She’s alive, with my cousins and my aunt somewhere in northern CA, Grandma Mary. She and my mom have their differences and the last time I saw her, she and my mom got into bad fight and mom called the cops. I was 13 or 14? My grandpa though, he’s ALIVE. He’s like a best friend. He’s so f*cking cool. He’s volunteered for the Red Cross over 20 years now. We get lunch every other week and he’s 78. Jim. I love Jim. Him and my mom have a different kind of relationship but there’s love there. Grandma Mary had my mom when she was young. Her and Jim didn’t work out and my grandpa has a wife, who is lovely and quirky in her own ways.

Jim was a mental health guy back in the day. Meaning, when the cops were called to a scene with some crazy guy popping off, they’d call my grandpa. He has soooo many stories. He was in the Navy as a young man, lived all over the place but spent most his time in Seattle WA. That’s where he helped. He always has a new story each time I see him. My favorite is when he was called to a scene where a woman was screaming and yelling at her home and was hiding. He walked around her property with the cops to find her and ended up walking into some type of barn with a covered swimming pool–he fell into it bc he didn’t see it. lol.

I’ll be heartbroken when he passes. He’s got time but still. Sometimes I text my grandma Betty’s phone number and cry thinking she’ll call me. Even people who are old, like you don’t get over it when they die, you just cope with it your whole life. Old people are amazing though. Some are stinky and weird but they’ve lived so long through so much. Like they have accumulated things and so many memories. One day I’ll be old and stinky too telling my grandkids that I survived the Trump Era or COVID-19 and how we all freaked out once we realized it was a real thing and didn’t come from bat soup (I’ll never forget when I read about this on snapchat Daily Mail in 2019 lmao).

Old people are literally living history. Real life relics. If you have grandparents and you like them, just let them know. Because they might be old and you might be “expecting it” but when they aren’t around anymore, trust me, it’s weird.

peace, youth

That Inner Peace tho

Posted on March 11, 2022 by tjoroski

Chaos. What is it?

Its trouble, pain, stress, hardship, worry, fear, trauma, damage, confusion. It’s where I feel most lost. And it’s happening nearly all the time.

BUT. Theres that in-between space. Where there’s air to breathe. When my footsteps don’t feel as heavy. When I get my jacket caught on a door handle yet I don’t feel like punching a wall or getting red in the face. It’s those moments where I notice more little things, like people holding hands, or birds chirping. Today I didn’t order coffee to survive, I ordered coffee for FUN. I got a hot Americano with half & half and honey lavender syrup. I MEAN thank GAWD for the days we can splurge on some organic honey lavender syrup.

Lately, I’ve been feeling a weird mix of gratefulness and guilt. Grateful I can wake up safe, warm with a roof over my head but also guilty that our world is suffering all over the globe. So when I notice my inner peace and really feel the calm..I take note. I bask in it. I breathe it in. Inhale the good shit exhale the bullshit type deal. Our inner peace is of the UTMOST importance. It’s what keeps us alive. Without our good moments with ourselves and others, what do we have?

I challenge anyone reading this post to take note and think for a moment about a good thing that happened to you recently. Whether it be finding $5 on the floor or someone hot smiled at you. Maybe you cleaned your house and found an old relic or your dog finally did that new trick. Maybe you got that shift covered or you notice the sun shining into your room in just the most perfect way like an urban outfitters ad.

Notice your inner peace. Roll around in it, inhale, exhale. Because in a world that feels like constant chaos, our inner peace and the good energy we manifest through it, is unmatched.

motivation

Mission Impossible

Posted on February 23, 2022June 17, 2024 by tjoroski

Someone real once said, “the days where you feel the most unmotivated are the days that matter the most.”

THAT is some hardcore sh*t. And I’ll tell you why.

The other day I felt so tired, lost, anxious, confused, annoyed, frustrated, hungry, tired, mad etc. In short, I felt unmotivated as hell. Sitting in my car literally thinking about how on Earth I’m supposed to do sh*t, know stuff and be somebody. I do what everyone tells you to do, “sit with your feelings you’re supposed to feel it” yeah well that was agony because my overthinking brain drove me insane for like 45 minutes while I bounced from do I have a future to what kind of burrito I feel like having. I felt unmotivated because I just didn’t feel a pull and I could care less in that moment.

By pull I mean passion, desire, want. Like what do I like? What do I wanna do? I wanna help people. Ok b*tch but how?? IDK. When you have a plan that was supposed to turn out a certain way or happen in the way you imagined but then..well..doesn’t…its a BAD FEELING, because then you’re like “oh sh*t now what.” I help ill people and have a sedan so I guess that’s a good start but my gawd.

When I feel like this (and lately it’s been often), I think back to what I wrote about in my past blogs: finding growth in the space we create for ourselves & putting one foot in front of the other. For example, my job and/or interactions I have with people, are the stimulus I encounter each day. The response to this stimuli is needing rest, food, other social interaction, emotions etc. The space I create for myself is inside my selfish moments (not always a bad thing). For example, my ultimate space creator is yoga, this blog, or time with my bf & dog. It could also be tv, organizing my home, eating the vegan pastry I bought or online shopping. In this space, I grow. My patience improves, my body heals, my mind chills tf out, I hydrate, I might learn something about myself and what I like.

This space I create then goes on to positively affect my stimuli, response, and ultimately how motivated I am to keep going. So, the days I feel the most unmotivated are the days I try to step away from all that sh*t weighing me down and I just try to create space. This is what’s important. Us as individuals in each individual moment. Our moment’s make us inherently better for ourselves and others.

SO YEAH. It’s true. The days where you feel the most unmotivated ARE in fact the days that matter the most. Take care of yourselves, because unmotivated you needs love too. No matter what, you’ll wake up tomorrow, but maybe it’ll be with more rest and level headedness. You might even wake up motivated to do something new like quit your sh*tty job or create a blog.

#yoga, Uncategorized

Real Talk: hot yoga changes lives

Posted on February 16, 2022 by tjoroski

“There is a space between stimulus and response. It is within this space that we find our growth.” Tonight I went to Hot Vinyasa Flow and this was the note our teacher ended on. There is so much value in this statement and I appreciate how relatable it feels without seeming like such a heavy cliche.

She could’ve said “we gRoW fRoM oUr mIsTaKeS” or something but instead she leaned into the realness behind an idea that is truly so simple. Stimulus could be so many different things for us. Response can look and feel like many different things. Yoga has inspired me to think about things with intention. Why am I doing this? Why am I feeling this? Why am I thinking about this? It’s 100% without a doubt a type of therapy session that your body & mind benefit from

In yoga we create intentions. Usually the teacher asks us to set our own intention for the practice but sometimes they set a collective intention for the whole class. Tonight’s intention was to “create space.” Space in our bodies and in our mind’s. Space for new growth and thought. Creating space can be really f*cking hard, especially when it feels like there’s only room for things like: working, studying, babysitting, dog walking, or over thinking etc…

Going to a place that takes me out of my current stressful environment literally brings me back to Earth and centers me. It might sound silly, but in a world that is constantly moving, going to a place where you’re grounded in one place is a lifesaver. I share this post with you all because I believe we could all benefit from a little yoga.

There’s nothing like stretching & sweating out our fears, worries, doubts, tequila, sativa, sadness or bad energy. If you’re reading this, then today I encourage you to find a way to make space. Space in your body for better air and energy to find it’s way in. Space in your mind to allow ease & peace to take over. Space in your routine to lay on the floor for a minute or cry a little bit. Just space–because it’s in this space that we find our growth.

Self Defense

GORGEOUS GORGEOUS GIRLS NEED ADDED SECURITY

Posted on February 14, 2022 by tjoroski

YALL. I already wrote today but I am compelled. I am super passionate about one thing and one thing only. WIDGETS THAT PROVIDE B*TCHES WITH MORE SAFETY.

I have an issue with hearing the same shit day in and day out. Stories about being kidnapped, hurt, belittled, attacked and so much worse. Self-identifying women and girls literally LIVE their lives looking over their shoulder and its the most gut wrenching feeling when looking over our shoulders is justified by some bullshit. Bullshit meaning: walking to our cars at night (or during broad daylight bc these motherf*ckers don’t care) while keeping an eye on the weirdo a few cars away, or quickly trying to get the key into the damn door ASAP because a sus looking dude passed us on the street a few minutes ago. ITS EXHAUSTING and SADLY NECESSARY.

Anyways I wanted to talk about my widgets and PLUG YALL. These days people (usually f*ucked up men) feel its their GOD given right to f*uck with us women and girls (sorry for the profanity but this is no joke). SO that being said I have TAKEN UP ARMS in all widget forms and I’ll address them plus include links below.

#1) THE MASTER LOCK 265D Door Security Bar

My apartment is 26327234 years old and for some reason the ancient people who put in my door decided I was one of the lucky few that don’t deserve a peep hole. AND YES I have had instances where a peep hole would have been the most ideal. Like when its 2am and you hear strange noises right outside your door and you are mapping out how to exit down your 26327234 year old fire escape. This thing is gold. I saw it on tik tok and it makes me feel so much more secure. Just adjust it and pop it under the door handle and BOOM automatically upgrade to fortress level apartment!!

Click the pics below each paragraph and CHECK THIS SH*T OUT!

#2) Keychain for Women “Solid Full Stainless Steel Key Chain Pen shape”

This is another FAVE. It’s just an example of another one I have that is similar. My mom bought a pack and I copped a blue one. These bad boys will take an eye out. I literally have one on my car keys and although previously mistaken for a sex toy, this poker will do major damage (and not the good kind).

**this is the kind i have, sharp on the bottom, etsy has some too!**

#3) LADIES AND GENTLEMAN: PEPPER SPRAY! Duh.

It’s kind weird that we normalize women carrying pepper spray. Like think about it. We get cute colors to match our keys or cars, there’s glittery cases and fancy carriers for these. BUT ITS NOT CUTE. WTF. Like being 14 and handed pepper spray by my mom who told me to point and spray if some dick got too close. Years later here we are still carrying. Finally bought a new one though, if you know you know, that shit expires like mascara but do we upgrade as often as we should? NO lol so here’s you’re sign to get some new pepper spray sis!

#4) BRASS KNUCKELS? KINDA!

These are hard to come by. Amazon doesn’t really offer them so I plugged a link to a product that has a little bit of all the widgets in one which is dope. Basically this product goes on your fingers and acts like a jabber to poke MFs who try to poke you. I’ve had mine for years and although its small, it’s something better than your damn keys between your knuckles.

#5) LASTLY: The one and only TASER. 10/10 recommend.

ZAP, fry, and scare creeps all at the same time. Some of these even have a built in alarm or light. Definitely recommend grabbing one of these. Just the sound of the taser could be enough to scare someone off. I like this one because similar to pepper spray, you don’t have to be up on the person to scare them. Threats often don’t mess with you unless you make an easy target (so unfortunate but true) so we have to be in the business of making it hard as hell. This one has amazing reviews and is small enough to pop in your bag. I am definitely a fan!

…….AND THERE YOU HAVE IT GORGEOUS GORGEOUS GIRLS. I literally have at least 2/5 of these with me 100% of the time because living with my head on a swivel gets f*cking old. This is our reality and it’s not our fault, yet we have to go to battle every day against this insane narrative that leaving our homes puts us risk for GOD knows what. Well f*ck that. You screw with me I’ll tase your balls off!