I was out to lunch with my mans the other day. We were enjoying our food cart breakfast sandwiches when out of nowhere, the man at the next table over turns to us and says “hey are you guys from around here?”
Tall, white, nerdy looking man with a puffy jacket and a lime flavor Jarrito bottle in his hands is talking to us. Kinda random but we’re nice so we engage. He starts talking to us about his life. He’s lived here in Oregon for 24 years, married, wants kids…owns an incredibly successful e-commerce side hustle, dropped out of his psychology Masters program to pursue a different life. He said there was a point where he just stopped going to classes and his professor pulled him aside to ask him what was up. “Mike, do you really want to be a psychiatrist? or do you just wanna help people? Because all the other students here want to be psychiatrists plain and simple, they don’t care about the other stuff, they just want to have that title and be that.” So he dropped out–to help himself and to help people. Now he’s on track to live the life he wants. Random and kinda weird that I bring this up right?
WELL. As people might know, I dubbing my current state of a mind a “quarter life crisis” of sorts. SO when this kind stranger was explaining how his path to helping people looked different than he originally thought, and that his masters program was not ultimately what he felt drawn to doing after he had already been in school 5 years….NATURALLY I thought God was talking to me BC WTF. This has been my literal inner monologue for DAYZ now.
SO between working on my personal relationships, starting a new job, and now battling whether or not my life is destined for PA school and a career in medicine..my mind is a ticking time bomb (technically the bomb has been exploding for awhile now but). It’s like, I graduated college thinking this was my destination. I took (and paid) for all the hard online pre-reqs (smh covid), worked my ass off in different clinical jobs pursuing this goal of school and being a physician assistant. BUT now if you asked me WHY I choose PA school, I literally don’t have an answer. The only thing I could tell you is because I want to help people. Im just realizing, do I need to go through the rigorous program, pay thousands and thousands and then jump into the workforce in order to feel important & help people? Probs no, but that works for people.
My mans was like “what if we made a buttload of money, started a non-profit and gave back to the community somehow.” A nice idea. But also scary thinking that I might not choose the career path that I have worked hard to maybe get into. I mean I could still apply in a few years after if I feel differently, the programs could change, the PA career could mean something different. Its just insane thinking I made it to weird ass 25 years of age with a P L A N that isn’t exactly what I feel like pursuing anymore.
I’m also trying not to make all my decisions right now while I’m feeling u n s t a b l e-ish. I wanna move out of my cubicle apartment, make more $$, travel, etc. So I’m just at odds and ends right now. What do I do? Do I keep pushing and follow through with this plan I had? Or do I pump the brakes and explore other avenues of myself and my life? Which is safer? Which is smarter? Which f*cking path is for me? S/O to all my confused b*tches bc WE ARE OUT HERE.
CoffeeShopVibes 